


Melt Into Time

by Butterfly



Category: American Idol RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-15
Updated: 2009-12-15
Packaged: 2017-10-04 10:54:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Butterfly/pseuds/Butterfly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Kris finds out that Adam has gotten engaged, he makes a hasty decision and takes a step backwards.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Melt Into Time

**Author's Note:**

> Kris/other; Adam/other (off-screen).
> 
> Fantasy elements.
> 
> Title taken from Adam Lambert's "Broken Open".
> 
> Art by livejournal user katekat1010.
> 
> Podfic by livejournal user diane_mckay located [here](http://diane-mckay.livejournal.com/42135.html).

"So, I proposed to Nick earlier tonight," Adam said and he was trying to sound casual but Kris could hear his excitement even through the phone. "We're thinking of a summer wedding."

Kris opened his mouth to respond and managed to say, "Wow."

"I know! Four years and we're finally getting around to it," Adam said, practically bubbling over with joy.

Kris wanted to sound as happy as Adam did, but his tongue didn't want to work.

"And- and I was hoping that you'd be my best man," Adam said, his voice slowing down a little. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Kris said, and his voice actually _cracked_ and he felt like smacking himself.

"Is it- I thought you and Katy were okay now, but if-"

"We _are_," Kris said, because this was something that he could talk about. "I'm really glad she's happy. I am."

Which Adam should know, since Adam was the shoulder he'd cried on after he and Katy had signed the papers, the person Kris had dragged to Katy's wedding two years ago, and the guy who'd set Kris up on a string of half a dozen blind dates before Kris had just thrown his hands up and told him to stop because, really and truly, he was over Katy and he didn't need to prove it by sleeping with random women.

"Oh, that's good," Adam said, and Kris was glad that he hadn't gotten a video phone, no matter how indispensable everyone claimed they were, because Adam seeing his face right now would not go well. "Are... do you _want_ to be my best man?"

"I'd love to," Kris said, firmly. "I'd do anything for you, you know that."

"Goes both ways," Adam said. If they were in the same room, this would be when Adam would loop his arm around Kris's shoulders and pull him in, tight and warm. "Hey, I'll be seeing you in a couple of weeks, right? We can go over the details."

"Looking forward to it," Kris said. Then they said their goodbyes and Kris held himself together for that long.

He wasn't the sort of guy who cried, not as a rule, but Kris felt that an exception could be made in this case. So, he shed a few tears, refrained from punching any of the walls in his hotel room, and decided to go for a walk to clear his head.

What he had to do was get all this stupid, repressed pining bullshit out of his system before he saw Adam again. It was, he reminded himself, his own damn fault anyway, falling in love with his best friend.

Kris had chosen this hotel for many reasons, and one of them was that it promised live music every night. Tonight, drinking and music both seemed like equally good ideas, so he went down to the first floor and headed in the direction of the bar.

He heard the music before he reached the room, a familiar and lovely refrain. The door to the hotel bar was propped open and the man behind the piano was playing to a nearly empty room - just him, the bartender, and one very drunk couple kissing in a corner booth. Kris quirked a tiny smile at the bartender, a twentyish blonde girl who blushed at him, either out of recognition or something more basic than that, and he slid his hand along the bar as he walked toward the piano. She paced him, asked if he wanted anything to drink.

"Vodka with a twist," he said, sitting down on the stool nearest to the piano, listening as the piano man finished up _April in Paris_. He wrinkled his nose as he downed the drink, and it was stupid to think that drinking Adam's favorite made them in any way closer at this moment in time, but he ordered a second one anyway.

A new song started up and Kris snorted in amusement. He spun around on his stool, taking in the pianist, who was throwing himself into the music, eyes closed. He had close-cropped hair and thick eyebrows, both light brown, and he was attractive enough, in his own way.

"_Apple blossom in the far west orchard, petals falling perfectly_," Kris sang softly, wrapping his voice around the words. "_You and I could live there, darling - darling, darling, come with me._" The man playing slowed down, then stopped, opening his eyes to stare at Kris, who grinned at him. "Fan of Matt Giraud?"

"As I recall, that song was written by one of his good friends," the man said. He chuckled, shaking his head. "Sorry - wasn't expecting Kris Allen to actually walk into this bar, even if I knew you were staying here. My name is Lenny. Lenny Lewinsky." Lenny stood up and offered his hand and Kris slid off the stool and went over to shake it. When he was done, he stayed, leaning against the piano.

"You played it well," Kris said.

"Can't sing a lick, though," Lenny said. "But we all do what we can. It's a gorgeous tune."

"First one I ever wrote entirely for someone else," Kris said. He bit down on his lip thoughtfully. It'd been at least five months since he'd seen Matt, though they'd talked on the phone maybe three weeks ago. "I was glad that it worked out for him."

"Yeah, it was pretty popular for quite a while," Lenny said. He spread out his hands, gesturing toward the keys. "So, anything you want me to play, I will. Or if you wanted to take over, I'd be honored."

Kris rubbed his palm against the smooth gloss of the piano. "I do have something rattling around inside my head."

"A new Kris Allen?" Lenny asked, sliding over to the far end of the bench. "I'd never wipe the keys down again." Kris settled himself down next to Lenny, his fingers seeking the sound in his head - starting with a diminished triad. Lenny let out a soft grunt. "Not a happy song, I take it."

Kris breathed deeply, in and out, and let himself find the melody, releasing himself into the music.

"It's a waltz," Lenny said, quietly. "You don't write many of those. Does- does it have words?"

Kris played it through once, discovered the beats and chords that made up the chorus and - yes - there were words now, right on the tip of his tongue. "_By the time I fell for you, you'd gotten over me a dozen times over._" Once he'd started, the rest flowed out, and his eyelids slid shut as he sank into the song, let the three-four take him away.

"_By the time I looked your way, you'd found someone else to gaze at._" There was always this soft joy in Adam's eyes when he looked at Nick. Ah, _Nick_, who had firmly refused to go the way of Drake, Martin, or Perry. Nick, another artist, who loved to sketch Adam nude. Generous, friendly, _perfect_ Nick. Really, couldn't ask for a better guy. And if Kris were the person he told Adam he was, he would be happy right now that Adam had found someone so wonderful.

"_Every day, my love grows_-" Kris's voice swelled up, filling the room. "_-but that's impossible. You'd know impossible; you live it, each moment._" His voice caressed the last two phrases, lingering and drawing them out.

"_I fell in love too late; my heart broke today, but yours-_" He jumped the octave and, despite the ache inside, he couldn't quite help from smiling a little when he reached just above and landed the note. "_-broke years ago._"

"_And your smile is the smile of a man who's in love, but you aren't smiling at me._" He allowed his voice to glide back down a little, the melody circling around. "_By the time I fell for you - by the time I knew it was true; it was far - oh, my star-_" His voice trembled as he hit the high note, near the edge of his range. "_\- it was all far too late._"

His fingers kept going, playing the melody one last time, and he'd essentially just outed himself in front of a handful of strangers, but Kris couldn't quite bring himself to care. In as little as half a year, he was going to have to watch while Adam got married-

No, it was worse than that. He was going to need to _give a speech_ about how amazing Nick and Adam's love was; how happy Adam was to have Nick in his life. He wouldn't be allowed to get drunk and watch the ceremony from the back row; he wouldn't be able to cut out of the reception early. Adam deserved better from him than anything like that.

His hands shook as they stilled over the keys and when Lenny touched his shoulder, he jerked away, fingers crashing down with a discordant mess of noise. Kris slid his fingers off the piano, pressed them down against the bench, hard enough to make them ache just a little.

"It's like that, is it?" Lenny asked and there was no condemnation in his voice, only a quiet understanding. "When it comes to Kris Allen, everyone knows there's no one he's closer to than Adam Lambert. But it's still not close enough."

"It doesn't matter," Kris said, and he must have put everything he had into the song, because there was no strength in his voice. He felt... hollowed out, like someone had taken a watermelon baller to his insides and scooped them clean. After he and Katy had had their last fight as a married couple, he'd gone over to Adam's and they'd emptied two bottles of wine and Kris had wanted to kiss him so much. But he'd already been with Nick for almost a year and Kris-

He hadn't wanted to taint their first kiss together with infidelity. He'd always figured that, eventually, Nick and Adam would fall apart. And Kris would be there for Adam, like Adam had always been there for him. They would fit together that way, just like they had in every other way.

"What I feel-" Kris said, shaking his head slightly. "Whatever I might feel, it doesn't matter."

"It always matters," Lenny said, and he slid his hand over Kris's - Kris frowned a little, because Lenny's hand seemed cooler than made sense for the room. "If you could - if you could make a wish, change things... what would you need to do?"

Kris laughed, low and harsh, and he didn't care enough _not_ to talk, even if Lenny planned on walking out to announce to the press that Kris was in love with Adam. "I don't know - turn back time, maybe? Go back before... before any of it. Before I knew Adam. Before I married Katy, because the whole world knows how badly I screwed that one up. Start over."

"And if I told you that you could?" Lenny asked and the way he said it grabbed Kris's attention. When he turned his head to look at Lenny, he was struck by the man's eyes, gray and watery - colorless. Had they been like that before? "There would be a cost, of course, but these things are possible."

"What's the going rate for a second chance these days?" Kris asked flippantly, but there was a strange knot in the pit of his stomach.

"You won't be able to tell anyone," Lenny said. Kris tilted his head, glanced around - the bartender wasn't moving, her hand caught in the act of polishing a glass clean. Kris licked his lips nervously and twisted around to look at the couple in the corner - they, too, seemed frozen in a moment. Lenny was still talking. "That sounds easy, but it isn't. A lie like that is hard to keep."

"Not- not that I'm believing you, but what would happen if I did?" Kris asked, not able to take his eyes away from the couple - twisted up into each other, mouths open, but not moving at all. "If I told someone."

"The magic ends; you lose the guy," Lenny said. "Standard procedure."

"_Standard_," Kris repeated, his voice unsteady as he turned around on the bench to face Lenny, pulling his hand out from under Lenny's cold one. "And... and that's it? That's the only price. There has to be more to it than that."

"This is a once-in-your-lifetime offer," Lenny said, and he held out his hands, both palms up. "No one gets two second chances."

Kris glanced down at Lenny's hands, trying to keep his breathing even. "Why me? Why are you offering this to me?"

"We repay our debts," Lenny said and he sounded, of all things, amused.

"I didn't-"

"No one said that it was a debt to _you_ that we're repaying," Lenny said - then he looked away, toward a corner that didn't seem to hold anything special. "Time's growing short, Kristopher. The moon never stops moving."

Maybe he was dreaming. Or trapped in some odd form of performance theater and any second a camera crew would burst out from behind something. Or maybe-

Kris licked his lips, his hands settling into Lenny's, who wrapped his fingers around Kris's wrists. "A formal acceptance is required," Lenny said. His eyes seemed brighter now, as if a light was shining off of them. "Please repeat after me: I, Kristopher Neil Allen, wish time to be spun backwards for the sake of-" Lenny paused for a moment, and his stare felt like it went far too deep. "- let's call it 'true love', shall we?"

Kris shivered at the slight edge to Lenny's voice, but he'd already started speaking. "I, Kristopher Neil Allen, wish time to be spun backwards-" Lenny's fingers tightened, digging into the tendons of Kris's wrists. "-for the sake of- of true love."

"I accept the consequences and bind myself to silence," Lenny said. "Knowing that my wish may be nullified if I speak of it to a single soul." As Kris repeated the words, he could hear them echoing in the room, as if it were bigger and had far better acoustics than he remembered. "I bind my promise into my blood, sealed to myself and the universe."

"-and the universe," Kris finished. As soon as he was done, Lenny smiled - a very sharp smile - and he tugged on Kris's wrists, yanking him forward. Lenny's cold lips were on his and a pain like dozens of pinpricks filled his mouth and then-

-he overbalanced, his hands slipping. He only barely kept himself from hitting his chin against the piano bench and everything around him seemed dark. He blinked and there was no one in front of him, but his mouth was wet. He reached up and touched it, his fingers coming away red with blood. He pushed himself up on the bench and looked over at the bartender - but she was gone and the bar had been cleaned up, and the tables had their chairs resting upside down on them.

The room was empty, the lights out, and he was completely alone. Kris pushed himself away from the piano and went to the door, relieved that it was only locked on the outside.

Kris got back up to his hotel room in something of a daze, stumbling into the bathroom and flicking on the light. He wiped the blood away from his mouth and... and he was clean underneath, no injuries that he could see. He dampened a washcloth and carefully cleaned his mouth off. When he went back out to the main room, he noticed that he'd left his phone on the bed.

There was one missed call on his personal line - from Adam - so he went through to voicemail.

"Are you-" There was a slow, deep breath from Adam, the kind he took when he was upset and trying to center himself. "Kris, honey, I get the feeling that you weren't telling me everything before. If something's bothering you, I want to help. Call me back, okay? I don't care what time it is. There's _nothing_ more important than- just call me."

The cheerful automated voice informed him Adam's message had been left five hours ago. Which pretty much had to be impossible but- when Kris looked over at the hotel alarm clock, it confirmed the time. He'd gone downstairs around eleven and it was now edging past four in the morning. Kris flopped down on the bed, trying to figure out how he'd lost five hours.

It was probably too late to call Adam without waking him up, so Kris set his alarm for nine and crawled into the bed, taking off his shoes but not bothering to change out of anything else. He'd expected to toss and turn for a while, but his eyes drifted shut before he had time to worry about Adam's phone call or the freaky-weird encounter he'd had downstairs.

It wasn't an alarm that woke him up the next morning, though, but an unwelcome beam of sunlight attempting to bore directly into his brain. "Oh, fuck me," Kris said, covering his eyes with his hand.

"What _have_ they been teaching you at college, son?"

Kris froze, because- because that was...

He slowly uncovered his eyes, and tried not to burst into tears. "Papa?" he asked, husky and low, and that _couldn't _be real. Except there his dad was, standing right in front of him, clear as day.

"What's wrong, buddy?" His dad asked, pushing Kris's feet back and sitting next to him on the- on his parents' couch. He was sitting on his parents' _couch_ and his dad was here. "You haven't called me that in- oh, at least eight or nine years. Was your fight with Katy that bad?"

Kris pinched his own arm, as hard as he could, and it hurt like a son of a bitch, but his dad was still there. Still there and giving him a look like he figured that Kris was crazy.

Which maybe he was, if he was seeing dead people.

"Not a dream," he whispered, and then he stopped himself. _The magic ends_. He launched himself at his dad, buried his face in his dad's neck, breathed in. How had he forgotten that his dad always smelled a little bit like sandalwood? "Dad, I-" Nothing that he wanted to say would make any sense, though, so he cut himself off.

"She'll forgive you," his dad said, holding him tightly. "Whatever happened, Katy loves you."

He remembered this morning, the first time this morning had happened. In retrospect, it had been a stupid fight, the kind of thing that only mattered when the people involved were already exhausted and getting on each other's nerves. After he'd gotten back from spending the night at his parents', he and Katy had made up pretty easily.

It had been while they were making up that day that he'd come up with his idea about how to propose to her and he'd started working out the details, figuring out the song and the notes and everything. So, when he thought about it, this really _was_ the perfect day to start over.

"I'm not sure it matters," Kris said, softly, because he had to begin somewhere. Because- if this was real and it was pretty fucking hard to deny the evidence right in front of him, then making up with Katy was the last thing that he wanted to do. "I don't think- I don't think that me and Katy are going to make it."

"What do you mean, baby?" his mom asked, and he looked up to see her hovering in the doorway. She looked _good_, bone-deep content in a way that he couldn't remember her looking in the last three years. "How can any fight be that bad?"

Kris held out his hand and she came over to take it, sitting down on his other side on the couch. "It's not Katy, mama. It's me."

And she cradled his hand in both of hers and waited for him to go on. He glanced back over at his dad, tightened the arm he had wrapped around his dad's shoulders.

"I think... I think I might be gay," he told them and he wasn't even sure, when he was saying the words, if they were true. But they were true _enough_, because his stomach still tightened and his chest ached when he thought of Adam getting married to someone else. "So, it wouldn't really make much sense to get back together with Katy."

His mom's hands tightened around his and, for a second, it looked like she was going to cry - then she was pulling him against her and he could feel his dad hugging the both of them, and she _was_ crying, whispering, "oh, oh my baby boy," softly in his ear.

It was kinda uncomfortable, but in a way that he hadn't been _able_ to be uncomfortable in years, so he soaked it in, clinging to them even when they finally started to pull away.

Afterwards, he went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror - trying to take in the changes. Fuck, he barely even remembered looking this young. No carefully cultivated stubble, because he hadn't been trying to impress anyone yet. No sideburns, not really. His face was fatter - baby fat, maybe. No eyeliner or lip gloss, of course. Baggy pants and a shirt that was a size bigger than he tended to wear these days, both of them styles that he probably wouldn't ever wear out in public any more. And the zodiac pendant that Adam had given him five years ago was gone from around his neck.

When Paula had called him 'boyish' all those years ago, he hadn't really gotten it. He'd figured that he was all grown up and he'd been frustrated that she hadn't realized that. Now, though, it was easy to see why she'd said it. He _was_ boyish; youthful and unfinished.

After he was done with the bathroom, he went to his bag and dug out his journal, reading through the most recent pages, trying to make sure that he knew _when_ he was.

He'd been right, pretty much, and though there were some early notes about how to surprise Katy with a proposal in the journal, she wouldn't have had a clue yet. After he re-familiarized himself with 'now', he pulled out a fresh notebook and started filling it up - the dates that he would need to remember in order to do things right, what Adam had told him in late night talks and how long he would need to wait until he _should_ make a move. From what Adam had said, Kris figured his best chance was right after Songs From the Year You Were Born.

No one had ever read his journals in the past, so he would just have to trust that no one would try to do it this time around either. Still, he tried to be oblique enough that it would only make sense to him.

Interacting with his parents was surreal, but wonderful for all that. His mom made a pie and he thanked her with a kiss on the cheek. His dad joked about her needing to make a second pie for the rest of them, because Kris was a 'growing boy' and would eat an entire one by himself. Old traditions that he hadn't experienced in years.

Kris's phone rang and - it was going to be Charles, he remembered. The first time around, he'd whined to Charles about what had happened with Katy and Charles had told him to suck it up and apologize like a man. This time, he didn't even mention the fight with Katy, just casually talked to Charles for a few minutes before letting him go.

It was a strange, shocky moment when he realized that he couldn't call Adam. That if he called Adam, he'd be a random voice on the phone, nobody important. He almost- part of Kris thought that the best plan was to abandon Arkansas now, head to L.A., find Adam before any of the Idol stuff started. Except, of course, that it was the stupidest plan ever. Adam was still in love with someone else. Adam didn't know that his relationship with Brad was going to be over soon; it would be a complete shock to him when it did end.

It was going to be just about a year until he got to meet Adam for the first time.

Even after so many years of being friends, they'd always managed to at least talk on the phone every few days, if they couldn't see each other. And the longest they'd gone without so much as texting had been _three days_ and that had been a one-time thing. Katy used to tease him about it, back when they were still happily married and she thought that his friendship with Adam was adorable. "You and Adam," she would say, "-you're like clingy teenage girls making BFF bracelets and having slumber parties every night."

By the time the word 'divorce' was starting to become a real possibility, she hadn't been teasing anymore. "Fine, go talk to _Adam_ about it-" and, in the worst of the fights, she'd been crying. "-you tell him everything anyway. More than you ever tell me!"

This time around, at least that was something both of them would be able to avoid.

Kris soon realized that burying himself in the preparation for Idol was the only way that he could take his mind off the calendar. He dropped out of college - which his parents had a hard time understanding, though they supported his choices the way they always had, and he was seeing them more often than he had the first time he'd lived this year - and he got a job at a small record store in Jacksonville. Mostly, he practiced. The first time he tried singing one of his own songs, he horrified himself by having his voice crack during his warm-ups - he'd strengthened his voice so much in the years after Idol, had gotten real training in how to use it, and he'd forgotten that these vocal cords hadn't mastered those notes yet. So, that's mostly what he worked on, retraining his voice.

His mouth pulled to the side again when he hit the big notes, so he had to concentrate on fixing that. His fingers were a little clumsy on the piano, though they were still sure and practiced on the guitar, and, overall, it wasn't as hard as he'd feared to get his muscles to learn what he knew they were capable of doing.

He also came out, in a quiet and slow way. Katy was the first person he told, outside of his parents. Three days after the fight, he went to her and they'd gone out to sit under an old oak tree, branches heavy with red and orange leaves.

She listened to his confession with a lowered head and, when he was done, she threw herself at him and whispered "Thank you for trusting me," with her arm wrapped around his neck. She took his hand and told him, very quietly, that she'd suspected it a little.

_I didn't_, Kris couldn't tell her. The first time he'd kissed a guy had been four days after his first big fight with Katy over not having kids yet. He'd had to go to London and Jake had been there, young and out, a guitarist with another singer's band. They'd kissed just once because, right after, Kris had looked at him and _noticed_ him - tall, dark hair, light blue eyes surrounded by black eyeliner. Kris could remember - he remembered touching Jake's cheek and thinking that it wasn't quite right and that was when everything had clicked for him.

That was when he'd realized he was in love with Adam.

Here and now, though, he could honestly tell Katy that there wasn't any particular guy in his life and since it was the truth, there was nothing in his face to betray him.

Daniel told him that he was crazy, at least a dozen times over - asking that if he was trying to do music seriously anyway, why not go to Nashville and try to get a record deal. Why stick around in Jacksonville if he'd really made his mind up? And Kris couldn't explain, though he did the best he could, saying that he needed to be _better_ than he was to have a chance.

"You've changed so much," Daniel told him, watching as Kris did his morning stretches. "I mean, you've always taken care of yourself but... you used to be _relaxed_ about it. Now, it's like someone's holding a gun to your head every day, the way you drive yourself. Slow down a little, Kristopher."

"I don't think I'm _that_ different," Kris muttered, but Daniel was right - nine years made a big difference, especially since he'd spent eight of those years in an industry where slowing down meant being forgotten. And he couldn't take any chances.

"You haven't gone to church since you came out," Daniel said, quietly. Kris tried to stop himself from flinching. "It's not- no one hates you for being gay."

"Plenty of people would hate me, Daniel," Kris said. "Last time I checked, gay marriage was still illegal in Arkansas."

He shrugged away from Daniel's hand on his shoulder, because if there was one thing that he couldn't afford, it was letting his guard down. All he had to do was say the wrong thing where people could hear and- and he'd need to start thinking up a speech for Adam's wedding. It was worse because sometimes... sometimes, he almost thought it would be worth it if he could just hear Adam's voice, just have Adam say his name again in that fond, familiar tone. Four months in, he was missing Adam so much he could barely breathe.

He'd taken to writing notes to Adam in his journal, though he only addressed them to 'A' as something of a precaution. They weren't anything dangerous and he didn't write down anything too weird - he just wrote things like _played Crazy today; thought of you_ or _I miss your laugh_ or simply _still love you_.

Katy would drop by sometimes, either at his place or when he was working, and ask him how 'the whole gay thing' was going, if he'd found someone yet.

"-because I worry about you," she said, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. It immediately fell forward again, rendering the entire gesture pointless. "I mean, I've started to date again - not seriously - but I am _trying_ to see people. I know... I looked up some stuff online and there are a couple of clubs in Little Rock that you could-"

"I'm fine, Katy," Kris said - and she was _earnest_ and young and so very beautiful. He'd been so in love with this Katy, who'd always taken care of him and looked out for him and believed in him more than anyone did until-

"Are you, though?" she asked and he kissed her on the forehead and wrapped his arms around her.

"I will be," he promised.

It was silly, when he went back and thought about it, but - even though he'd already changed so much - he'd expected things to go the way he remembered when it came to the Idol auditions. He went with Daniel and Cale, again, though he had to be the one to suggest it this time. Kris went through the first couple of rounds, and then got cut.

"Honestly, I don't think you need us," the producer said, and Kris nodded and took that in, thanking her.

Daniel wasn't willing to go to the next audition with him - "We got cut once, man, I don't think our chances will improve just because it's a different city." - so Kris ended up going with just Cale, who made it further than he had last time, and Kris was trying to play just enough under what he was capable of, ducking his head down and blushing when they complimented his voice. He'd never be the actor that Adam was, but he wasn't as incapable as he'd once been, either.

When he got through to the judges' round, he called his family to let them know, and his mom insisted on coming up to support him. She brought his dad and Daniel with her. And maybe that was useful because...

They got there the day before his audition in front of the judges, so he was able to talk to them about a lot of stuff, but there was one thing that was particularly important.

"Even if I don't make it through, I'm going to move to L.A.," Kris said, holding his mom's hand gently. He looked around at them and... yeah, he was glad that he was getting the chance to tell them this now.

"Why?" his mom asked and he winced on the inside, because there was an edge of hurt in her voice.

"It's where I need to be," Kris said. "I can't explain why, but I have to be there."

"Is God calling you to California?" his dad asked. "Are you needed there?"

Kris closed his eyes for a moment, a million memories tugging at him - Allison pouting and saying that she couldn't think of anything for Michael Jackson week if Anoop was going to snag the best song; Michael asking Kris, deeply sincere, how it was that Adam could be so nice and still be 'what he was'; Matt grinning at him after White Chocolate had impressed the judges and telling Kris that they were going to go all the way, the two of them; Adam saying bitterly, "I know that to some of them, I'm just a fag-" and he'd flinched when Kris had touched his shoulder; last night talks and confessions; the _tour_, bright and lovely; the night Adam had said, thoughtfully, "But you _are_ my best friend. Didn't you know that?" - moments that might or might not ever happen this time around, but definitely couldn't happen if he stayed in Arkansas.

"Yeah," he said, quietly. "I'm needed."

So, the next day, he met Ryan Seacrest again for the first time.

"You're from Jacksonville, Arkansas?" Ryan asked him and Kris had to blink before he agreed, biting back the impulse to correct it to 'Conway'. "How's that working out for you?"

"Well, not as good as it could, I suppose," Kris said, his gaze flicking to the camera for a second before he focused back on Ryan. "Considering that I'm here and all." And Ryan _laughed_, surprised by him, so Kris shot a teasing smile his way. "It's a great town, just... maybe not the best place for aspiring musicians."

"I can understand that," Ryan said. "Are you ready for what the judges will think?"

"I think so," Kris said. "I mean, I'm hoping they'll like it."

"Let's both hope so," Ryan said, clapping Kris on the back. "Good luck in there."

Simon. Paula. Randy. Kara. It was strange seeing them again, too. He'd tried working with Kara a couple of times after the show, but they'd never really clicked as co-writers. He'd run across the others at various events, of course, but Paula was the only one that he'd spent much time talking to, after everything with Idol had ended for both of them. They looked younger, too, especially Simon.

"Now, are you the best singer out there?" Kara asked him.

"Probably not," Kris said, and he grinned at her. "I _might_ be the best one auditioning this year. Hopefully, I'll have a chance to find out."

"Kris, what are you going to sing?" Simon asked and - Simon was leaning forward slightly. Kris was doing "Song for You", since he hadn't seen much point in changing something that had worked last time, but he knew that he probably wasn't singing exactly the way he had before - eight more years of doing his own thing had left its mark on his singing.

"That was actually rather delightful," Simon said when Kris was done, and he was _smiling_. With everything that had happened so far, this just might be the strangest thing. "You know, there's definitely something about you. Whether it's... an inner confidence or even a certain quiet star power - you have it."

"I agree with Simon completely," Kara said, swiveling in her chair a little. "You stand on that platform like you _know_ you belong on a stage. And you've got the talent to back it up."

"Wow, thank you," Kris said, trying to hide his surprise as best he could.

"Gotta agree with Simon," Randy said. "You've got the skills."

Paula, though, was staring at him thoughtfully and the customary warmth about her was completely gone. "There's something- something wrong with you. Something in the way you... breathe." Kris only barely managed to keep from flinching.

"Are we going to get an elaboration on that?" Kara asked, sounding a little irritated. Paula just shrugged, not looking away from Kris. Kara glanced over at the other two, then smiled at Kris. "Well, that's three out of four, so it looks like you're going to Hollywood."

"Thank you," Kris said, and he was maybe a little too enthusiastic, but- it wouldn't be long now. His hand trembled when he picked up his ticket.

This time, when he came out from behind the curtain, he was surprised to find himself wrapped up in Cale's arms before anyone else reached him, Daniel crashing into the both of them a moment later. His parents were next and everyone was so excited and it was great to get caught up in it.

"So, man, how are you feeling right now?" Ryan asked him and Kris clasped his arm - maybe too familiar for their relationship in _this_ universe, but... fuck it, they'd gotten close the last couple of years, and it was_ good_ to see him now that Kris wasn't worrying about his audition.

"Feeling fantastic," Kris said. "Looking forward to the bright lights."

"And I'm looking forward to seeing you there," Ryan said and he wasn't putting on that fake smile of his anymore. He really meant it. "I think you're going to do well. You've got confidence and you've got talent."

"Thanks," Kris said, and he kinda wanted to laugh. Had he _really_ come across as so much less self-confident last time? "See you during Hollywood week."

"Definitely," Ryan said.

It was both better and worse, now that he'd gotten through that round. Because he knew for certain that he was going to meet Adam again, now, but that only made the wait that much more painful.

Which is probably how he ended up jerking off Cale in the back of the guy's car.

It wasn't the sort of thing that he'd have ever done when he was really twenty-three, for any number of reasons, but sex wasn't as scary or overwhelming these days. Yeah, ideally, he wanted commitment and love and everything that came along with that, but mixing a little sex into a friendship wasn't going to kill him.

"I'm not gay," Cale said, after he'd returned the favor. "I love- well, I really like my girl. We're just... going through a rough time right now and she's not- fuck. I wasn't using you either, though. You know how much I love you, man."

"Don't worry about it," Kris said, patting Cale's arm - leaving sticky smears of come on it. "You can still be straight. What's that phrase? Straight but not narrow. You can be that. Whatever. You can even pretend that you got drunk from the _half a beer_ that you had. Lightweight."

"I hate you," Cale said, dropping his head back with a bounce. "With all my heart. Are you really going to stay in L.A., even if you don't make the cut?"

"Is _that_ what this is about?" Kris asked. "You gonna miss me?"

"No," Cale scoffed. "Maybe. I don't know. I guess."

"If I get a record deal, I was thinking of asking you to be in my band," Kris said. "Maybe even if I don't but, in that case, you'd have to be willing to live with me in poverty. In a non-gay way."

Cale didn't say anything right away, but when Kris turned his head to look at him, a wide smile was spreading across his face.

"Yeah," Cale breathed. "I'd like that a lot."

When Kris went to Hollywood for that first week, though, he went alone. And when he got to the big room filled with the rest of the contestants, where everyone was picking up room assignments and introducing themselves around, he felt oddly light-headed. He was in the same building as Adam.

So many faces that he knew - Allison, still wearing braces. Lil, confident and loudly talking to another contestant about her family, showing off her pictures. Alex, skinny as hell.

He picked up his assignment - Matt, of course, like it was last time - and joined into the general introductions, careful not to know anyone's name. Then he saw a shock of black hair, tall figure, couldn't be anyone but Adam.

He kinda froze in place, right there in the middle of the room, just staring.

Adam was dressed down, like Kris remembered from the first time. Trying not to freak people out too much with the real him, he'd explained to Kris once. Not much make up, clothes not too fancy and all black and gray.

Fuck what he was wearing, he was the most beautiful thing that Kris had seen in a year.

Kris rocked on the balls of his feet, fighting the urge to just go over there and wrap his arms around Adam and never _ever_ let go. And that was when Adam looked up.

Adam cocked his head to the side, and someone had been talking to him, but Adam said a couple of things without looking away from Kris, and then walked forward. This wasn't what had happened last time. Kris needed to- whatever Adam was seeing in his face, he needed to figure out how to hide it because Adam wasn't... Adam wasn't ready.

Except that he couldn't quite remember how to move and then Adam was _there_, right in front of him.

"Hey, there," Adam said. Kris had heard Adam's voice over the last year - having scrounged up every trace of him that existed on the internet - but it was still nothing compared to the way it felt to have Adam _with_ him, right in front of him. Adam's gaze wandered over his face and Kris wondered how easily Adam could read it now, before they knew each other. "I always appreciate a cute boy staring at me. What's your name, baby?"

Adam was holding out his hand. Kris latched onto it, trying to keep himself from holding too tightly.

"Kris," he said and he wanted nothing more out of this moment than for Adam to say his name. "What's yours?"

"Adam Lambert," Adam said, with a cocky grin. "Your next American Idol."

Kris let out a shaky laugh, choking the sound back when Adam stroked his hand instead of releasing it. He was hard, harder than he'd ever been, and he'd missed Adam _so damn much_ and he was screwing this up already. "Hope your voice matches your confidence," he managed to say.

"Oh, it does," Adam said. "So, Kris, got a last name?"

"Allen," he said.

"Kris Allen. That's adorable. Where are you from?" Adam asked. "Some place down south, I can tell by that sweet accent."

"Arkansas," Kris said and he'd been funny and a little bit clever the first time he and Adam had met, so why couldn't he manage that now?

"Of course," Adam said, with a wink. "So, Kris Allen from Arkansas, how many people have you met? How's the west coast treating you so far?"

But they didn't have much of a chance to talk, because it was time to get ready sing on the stage for the first time - Adam started them off, and his voice was as soaring and perfect as Kris remembered it. Soon after that, it was Kris's turn, and he stepped forward to the front of the stage.

Strange, it was almost empty in the audience - more like a soundcheck than a concert, but it was...

It was like coming home.

Kris closed his eyes and he'd sung in this theater, he _knew_ this theater, the way the acoustics worked, exactly which seats had the best views. Adam was standing in the wings - Adam hadn't ever heard him before, not in this world. Kris nodded to himself, took a steadying breath, and sang his heart out.

"You're amazing," Adam said when he got back to the wings, his voice sweet and sincere, and Kris blushed, which he'd really thought that he'd outgrown. Adam reached out and clapped a hand around Kris's shoulder and Kris shivered and moved closer, though they had to separate a little when they sat back down in the audience.

Afterwards, Kris sought out Matt and introduced himself.

"I think we're roommates," Kris said, with a soft, fast grin, and this, _this_ was easy, the way talking to Matt always was. "I heard them say that you're a dueling piano player. Sounds like a blast."

The thing was, there had to be a downside. Wishes didn't just get granted and then life was perfect. There was always a catch. Okay, sure, he wasn't allowed to tell anyone, but that couldn't be it. So far, everything was working out better than it had before - Simon even seemed to _like_ his singing.

Had Kris really changed that much after eight years in the music business? Enough that he'd earned Simon's approval so easily?

He didn't have much time to think about it, though. Hollywood week was a crazy, busy time. He and Matt formed White Chocolate again and that seemed to go just as well as it had the first time - though Kara's eyes seemed to be following_ him _this time, not Matt. For the first time in years, he found himself missing the reassuring weight of his wedding ring and the way it warded off most women.

He called Katy that night, while Matt was still downstairs mingling with the after-dinner crowd.

"I'm just... I'm so glad that we're still friends," he told her, tucking his feet under the covers. "I was afraid, when I told you- not that I ever thought you were... but we'd been together a really long time. You had the right to feel betrayed."

"Oh, Kris, you still haven't even _dated_ a guy yet," Katy said, with a laugh. "I'm just glad you figured it out before... before things could get even more serious. I was starting to think that you might propose soon."

"Guess it's good that didn't happen," Kris said, and his voice was a little rough, a little shaky. "But I- actually, I've kinda met someone. Here."

"That's wonderful," Katy said and he couldn't hear anything but happiness in her voice. "Well, I'm sure he's very cute. What's his name?"

"Adam," Kris said. "Adam Lambert."

"Oh, you _do_ like him," Katy said. "Your voice got all soft. Is he... is he gay?"

"Yeah," Kris said, suppressing a laugh. "No doubt about that."

"You think he's going to make it through to the semifinals?" Katy asked.

"_Definitely_," Kris said. "Katy - he's amazing. His voice is... phenomenal. He's an incredible performer. He'll make it through."

"Well, I'll vote for him," Katy said, perky and sweet. "So that you guys can get to know each other better."

"Vote for him if you like his singing," Kris said. "And I promise that you will. What about you? Seeing anyone?"

There was a slight pause.

"Actually." Katy laughed, but it sounded awkward. "Kris, I don't want this to be weird."

"What is it?"

"Daniel asked me out," she said.

"My brother?"

"Yeah," she said. "It's nothing serious. I'm still dating other people, too. It's very casual. But you should know. Even if you aren't- because it's a little weird, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Kris agreed, before thinking. "I mean. _No_. It's fine."

This was the first big change that wasn't about him, really - as far as he knew, Katy and Daniel had never so much as gone on a single date in the original time line. It _was_ weird, but it was also... absolutely none of his business.

It hadn't been for a long time.

"It's fine," Kris said again, certain this time. "I want you to be happy, no matter how that happens. I _do _love you, Katy. I always will."

"I know. I love you, too," Katy said. "I've gotta go now, sweetie. I've got a date tonight. Call me tomorrow?"

"It's a promise," Kris said.

He was still sitting there when Matt came into the room, vibrant and buzzing with excitement.

"Did you see how we ruled?" Matt asked, tossing his hat onto the crowded dresser on his side of the hotel room. "We were the best group. First and best. We are going to _sail_ through this competition together, my friend."

Matt flopped down on his own bed with a bounce, letting out a low laugh. He was practically the same as the guy that Kris knew in the future, minus an identity crisis or two in the middle. Maybe Kris could... could help more with that, this time around, since he knew it was coming.

For now, though, he just twisted around to face Matt and relaxed, let himself shoot the shit with an old friend. He did a lot more listening than talking, but that had always been the case. Rooming with Matt had been so easy and uncomplicated - not that rooming with Adam hadn't been _easy_, but even in the beginning, there had been that tiny kernel of awareness that he was getting a kind of pleasure out of spending time with Adam that... that wasn't entirely appropriate. With Matt, there wasn't anything hiding underneath the words - just friendship.

It was easy, after that, to settle into the remembered routine of Hollywood. Right up until they sent him to the wrong room. He didn't even realize it until he got to the door and saw Adam and Danny - among others who'd ended up in the Top 13 with him - waiting already.

He'd gotten sent to the heavy hitters' room. The room of the sure things.

Adam waved at him and Kris made his way over there, legs a little shaky. He collapsed next to Adam and said, "They just like to mess with our heads, right? Because it makes for good tv." Adam laughed and he was close enough to touch.

Hyper-aware of the cameras all around, Kris was careful to keep that little bit of space between them.

When the judges came in and told them they were staying, though, Adam hugged him impulsively - just for a second, not nearly long enough - and it was hard to let him go again.

"The next phase is... what, the judges' mansion?" Matt asked later, poking around Kris's half-packed bag. "And they'll figure out the final people there. Man. This competition is so much more stressful than I was expecting, you know?"

Kris tucked his hands behind his knees and shrugged.

It was at the judges' mansion that things got a little complicated again.

"Blonde girl, sitting with your parents - sister or girlfriend?" Ryan asked him, off-camera.

"Friend," Kris said and Ryan frowned a bit. "Is she not allowed to be here?"

"No, she's- she's cute," Ryan said. "One of the producers noticed her - _great_ hair. We were thinking that she should hug you first when you come out after they tell you whether or not you made it to the semifinals. She looks good on camera."

"Oh," Kris said, and he looked over at where Katy was sitting - Daniel was there, too, and gave Kris a thumbs-up with a bit of an uncertain look. They hadn't really had a chance to talk since Katy had told him that she and Daniel were seeing each other, and Daniel would probably be a little nervous about it until they did. "Ryan, I'm not pretending she's my girlfriend."

"No one is asking that - hell, it's better for you that you're single, at least when it comes to the voting," Ryan said. "But she's very pretty and she seems to like the camera."

"She used to want to act," Kris said. It had been nearly four years since Katy had filmed anything at all. Kris had wondered, sometimes, whether they might have stayed married if she'd found success in Hollywood. If they'd both been happy in their jobs, maybe other things would have slipped through the cracks. But Katy had gotten tired of trying to break into an industry that had a surplus of cute blondes and had started wanting to settle down. "Yeah. Sure - she can be the first person to hug me."

A tall, dark-haired woman that Kris didn't really remember came over from the area of the cameras and whispered something in Ryan's ear. He nodded and waved at Kris. "I'll let her know - they're ready for you in there."

No sing-off this time, though Simon and the others tried to string him along for the sake of the cameras. It was still a relief to be told that he'd made it, of course, and he didn't have to fake anything when he thanked them.

Katy barreled into him when he came out and he had to laugh as he told them it was a 'yes'.

Then he slipped away to find Adam, who had gotten through earlier.

It was never hard to locate Adam - everyone knew what he looked like and he talked to everyone, so there was always a trail. This time, it led Kris down to the place the smokers had gathered - though Adam never smoked much, he was talking animatedly to a couple of other contestants who did. Kris hovered at the edge of the group and let himself stare a little, since Adam was distracted.

After Adam spotted him, Kris flashed a grin at him and then slipped off to the side, farther along in the yard.

"So," Adam asked, catching up to Kris pretty quickly. "What are your holiday plans? Going home for... I'm going to guess... Christmas?"

"I'm not sure," Kris said, and he hadn't even really thought about it. Too caught up thinking about other things. He slowed down a little, glanced over at Adam. "I could stay here in L.A., but it's expensive in California."

"Why don't you want to go back home?" Adam asked quietly. Kris bit his lip and looked away, trying to think of something to say that didn't make him sound like a psycho stalker. Then Adam sighed, long and weary. "Never mind, I can think of a few reasons."

Kris shook his head, because he didn't want Adam thinking- "My parents are fine with... me. I mean. They know."

"Your parents aren't the only people in Arkansas," Adam said, and the understanding in his voice made Kris want to hug him for- for being him.

"It's not about that," Kris said. "It's- when I'm _here_, I feel like I'm getting something done."

"Tell you what," Adam said, turning slightly and giving Kris a considering look. "Stay with me. I'll show you _my_ L.A. You can meet my friends, maybe check out the shows that I've got coming up. If you can afford to give me a little somethin-"

"I can," Kris said, his mouth working before his brain, which was busy saying _too soon_, over and over. "I have some money saved up. Not much, but maybe there's a chance I can find some work, too."

Living with Adam - sleeping on his couch, as it turned out - was something of a slow torture. Adam was more casual around his own place than he'd been when he'd first roomed with Kris on Idol, with an alarming tendency to walk out of the shower naked. Kris had the vague suspicion that, much as he'd wanted to slowly seduce Adam, he was the one actually being seduced.

Katy thought the entire thing was hilarious and just what he needed.

"I mean, you've got a crush on the guy and he invited you into his home," she told him. "Come _on_, what are you waiting for?"

"We were together for over six years," Kris said. "Never once did you bring up sex. Now that we've broken up, our conversations are all about sex all the time - what's that about, do you think?"

"Don't avoid the question, Kristopher," Katy said. "Just jump the guy."

"I don't want- it's _not_ about sex," Kris said. Katy laughed and... okay, maybe he'd talked up Adam's physical attributes a bit in some of their talks, but he'd mentioned other things, too. "I like him, Katybug. Not just because he's hot. I don't want some Hollywood one-night stand."

"Well, you're living with him, so it would really be more of a month-long fling," Katy said.

"That's not helping," he said. "How are things with you and _Daniel_?"

"Fine," she said. "Things are fine."

"Still dating?"

"We've gone on several dates, thank you," Katy said, slightly prim.

"One date would be more than I've gone on with Adam," Kris said. "But I'm not asking you about your sex life."

"Oh, I assumed that was because he's your brother," Katy said. "Because I can alway-"

"No! Good call," Kris said, hurriedly. "I don't need to know."

Katy laughed, sharp and triumphant.

That night, Adam invited Kris to go watch him perform "Kiss and Tell".

Everyone has a breaking point. Apparently, right now, Kris's was Adam in black pants that could have been spray-painted on. Kris had always adored Adam's voice, more so when he was being himself, fierce and sexual, but tonight he couldn't take his eyes off Adam's hips, off the way the two dancers on stage with Adam rubbed up against him.

A couple of hours later - _too long_ \- Kris slammed Adam against the door of his apartment, tired of waiting and so fucking hard he felt like he'd die if _someone_ didn't touch him.

"We really can't do this," Kris said, and Adam grinned down at him, and then Kris pushed up to his toes and kissed Adam, _finally_. The voice in his head telling him that everything was moving too fast had been drowned out by the way Adam had moved tonight on stage, sleek and sexy.

"Yeah, I feel how much you don't want me," Adam said, his hand slipping down to press against where Kris was straining against his zipper. Kris bit back a whimper and dragged Adam's head down for another kiss.

They didn't make it to Adam's bed - they didn't even manage to get most of their clothes off, hands too busy with other things.

The time after that, they _did_ make it to the bed, though not under the covers, and Adam had blown Kris, mouth wet and sweet around Kris's cock. Kris had returned the favor, Adam's fingers gently pressing his head down.

Kris had felt too sleepy to move afterwards and Adam hadn't seemed to care much, so he'd dozed off, brain too full of Adam to think much about regrets.

When he woke up, it was still dark out, and Adam was warm and big and wrapped around him. Kris brushed a kiss against the corner of Adam's mouth and started to pull away - Adam's hand caught his wrist and Adam's eyes were just barely open.

"Baby?" Adam sounded happy, still half-caught in sleep. It was a familiar sound that hit Kris's heart in just the right way and he smiled down helplessly at Adam, momentarily overcome. Adam tugged him back and Kris went willingly. "Oh, baby, you came back? Missed you so much." Adam's mouth was on his and Kris had to strain to hear the next words, his heart starting to pound uncomfortably. "Honey, promise you'll never leave again, 'kay? It's not home when you're not here." One last kiss and Adam slipped back into sleep.

Kris pulled away, feeling sick to his stomach, and he'd _known_ \- he should have remembered - that Adam wasn't over Brad yet. _He knew that_. That was the whole point of the delay built into the plan. And he'd gone and slept with Adam anyway, like the biggest idiot in the world.

By the time Adam woke up, Kris was dressed and making breakfast, silently rehearsing what he wanted to say. But when Adam wandered out in nothing but black underwear, skin-tight, all of Kris's words disappeared and he stood there, staring with his mouth open, until Adam came over and placed possessive fingers under Kris's chin, angling his face up and then kissing him until Kris was panting and desperate.

"I love that you know how to cook," Adam said cheerfully, taking a seat as if nothing had changed. "You're a great roommate. It's a shame we can't pick our own on the show, because I'd definitely go with you."

Kris made a vague noise of agreement.

"You can move your stuff - that entire tiny suitcase - into my room if you want," Adam continued. Kris flipped over the eggs, trying to force his hand to stop trembling. "I've got another show tonight and I'd love for it to end the same way."

"I don't think that's a good idea," Kris said, without turning around. He could hear Adam getting up again, chair legs scraping lightly against the floor. Adam's hand slid along Kris's shoulders, fingers flexing gently. Kris shrugged away from Adam's touch, but regretted it a second later when Adam pulled away.

"Why not?" Adam asked, leaning sideways against the counter. "We both had fun. Are you getting uptight on me, Arkansas?"

"It's not about that," Kris said.

"Didn't you enjoy yourself?" Adam asked.

"Of course, I-" and Adam was tugging on Kris's belt loop and Kris's arm brushed against Adam's bare stomach and he shivered, still primed from the kiss that Adam had given him earlier.

"Come on, let's have some fun," Adam said, voice low, his hands working on Kris's belt.

"The _eggs_," Kris yelped, but his hands were resting on Adam's waist now. Adam leaned down and licked Kris's shoulder, one of his hands reaching past Kris - there was a click as Adam turned the burner off. Kris tried to think of another objection, of anything that could slow this down without giving Adam the impression that Kris wasn't interested in him.

"I think," Adam said, sinking down to his knees and pulling Kris's jeans down around his thighs. "That you should let me finger you open and fuck you. It'll relax you, take some of that stress off." He licked a long stripe up Kris's cock. "How's that sound?"

Kris slid his fingers into Adam's thick hair, still tousled and messy from sleep, and he gave a quick nod, his eyes shutting as Adam's mouth went back on his dick.

He'd figure out how to fix things later.

"It was a horrible idea," Kris said, switching his phone to the other ear as he finally got around to cleaning up the eggs that had congealed in the pan. Adam had gone off about half an hour ago, but it had taken Kris that long to pull himself back out of bed. "He just sees me as sex. I mean, I think he also thinks of me a friend, but it's not a relationship."

"Well, he's not going to buy the cow if you give him the milk for free," Cale said.

"That is such a stupid expression," Kris said. "How does that even make sense?"

"Hey, you called me up and started talking about gay sex. Any clichés I spout are your own fault."

"Whatever, fuck you," Kris said. "Also, your hand has been on my dick, so you probably shouldn't be throwing any gay stones from your big gay glass house."

"_Bi-curious_ glass house," Cale said. "I looked it up. But I still don't get it - what's wrong with a little friendly sex? You didn't freak out after our little experiment."

Kris could think of anything to say that wasn't either insulting to Cale or something that would break the bounds of his agreement, so he just changed the subject. He considered it a mark of their friendship that Cale let him do it so easily.

He'd never really thought before about how much sex Adam was used to having - he and Katy hadn't gone all the way until their wedding night and, even then, sex hadn't ever been a major part of their relationship, and his previous experiences with men had remained strictly handjob and blowjob affairs. Not that Adam wasn't into those, too, and he was _good_ at them, but what he really seemed to love was opening Kris up until he was begging for it, and then fucking him senseless. And he wanted it a _lot_.

Kris probably had more sex in the break between Hollywood week and the start of semifinals than he'd had all the previous years of his life.

He wasn't sure if that meant Adam was something of a sex addict right now or if it meant that Kris's previous sex life was just that pathetic.

Maybe a little of both.

Adam had actually told him about this time period - had mentioned throwing himself into sex after his break-up with Brad. Just now, instead of it happening with a lot of random strangers, it was all happening with Kris.

Unfortunately, Kris was sickeningly aware that that didn't make it any more meaningful.

The one time that he'd tried to ask Adam out on a real date, Adam had looked at him like he was nuts and they'd ended up fucking on the kitchen table. Kris figured he could pretty much class that as a complete failure.

And while Adam was pleased to introduce Kris to some of his friends, he'd been hesitant about Kris meeting any of his family, telling Kris that he'd get to know them soon enough since they'd be coming to watch Adam on Idol. And it wasn't like Kris could _tell_ Adam that he knew Adam was holding back on the introductions to his very closest friends.

It was better than the year he'd spent waiting but... in some ways, he felt like he was _still_ waiting for Adam to show up. Kris had to constantly bite his tongue to keep from talking about things that Adam wouldn't remember, and to stop himself from revealing that he already knew a lot more about Adam than he should.

New Year's Eve, Adam invited Kris to his show and Kris had to say 'no', because he knew what that night was about for Adam - he'd seen the video. Adam was going to be singing about Brad like his heart was breaking all over again and Kris just... he _couldn't_ be there for that. He couldn't.

After Adam got back that night, he fucked Kris fast and rough, biting down on Kris's shoulder when he came, and Kris was pretty sure that it was to keep another name from slipping out.

Kris couldn't sleep that night, untangling himself from Adam and getting out of bed as soon as Adam was asleep. He got dressed and went outside for a walk, needing to breathe somewhere that wouldn't smell like Adam.

Nothing was going according to plan. And it was his own fault; he could own up to that. He never should have agreed to stay with Adam in L.A. and he definitely shouldn't have slept with Adam that first time.

He just wasn't sure how he could have avoided it. He and Adam had never gotten into the habit of telling each other 'no'.

Going back for the semifinals was a blessing and a curse. Because, honestly, Kris _did_ love the sex and being able to spend most of his time with Adam, and he knew that he'd be back with Matt until group two performed, so that was going to be hard to adjust to, but it would also be good to get a little space between him and Adam. Give them a chance to maybe become more than sex buddies.

"We should cool things off," Adam said, that last night before. Kris blinked, still feeling a little hazy from his orgasm. Adam's hand cupped his ass, fingers dipping in, pressing into where Kris was relaxed and still wet with lube. "Not that this hasn't been _great_ \- you're an amazing fuck, Kris, seriously - but we both need to concentrate on the competition."

Kris murmured agreement, hips reflexively pushing back against Adam's fingers.

"Okay, _after this_, we'll stop," Adam said, thrusting his fingers deeper, making Kris moan. "Come on, sweetheart, let's get the neighbors to complain again."

The first night after they were all back into the hotel rooms, Kris stared up at the ceiling, listening to Matt snore in the other bed. Adam had conditioned him or something, because he was aching and jerking off just wasn't doing it for him.

Adam took one look at him the next morning, while everyone was heading in for breakfast, and dragged him off to the bathroom, flicking the lock up after checking to see if it was clear.

"You look like shit," Adam said, blunt but friendly. "Didn't you get any sleep last night? You always seemed to fall asleep so easily."

"Yeah, I was just... I don't know, having a hard time adjusting," Kris said, trying - and failing - to keep his eyes from wandering down to check out Adam's crotch. "We don't have to sing today, though, so it's okay. I have time."

"Fuck," Adam said, looking Kris over carefully. Kris shifted from foot to foot, not entirely comfortable with the light in Adam's eyes. "It's not about adjusting at all. You've got needy new gay written all over you. You miss being fucked. One night off, and you already miss it."

Kris licked his lips. "I just- that's not it."

"Bullshit," Adam said, and his hand was on Kris's shoulder, turning him slightly. "Look, it's not that strange. Some guys, once they finally get regular sex, it eats at them when the source gets cut off. Not a big deal."

And Kris was being pushed back against the mirror and- okay, he'd fix things tomorrow, sometime when Adam's hand wasn't on his dick.

He ignored the fact that he'd told himself that all through the break, too.

"Group three," Kris said flatly, squinting at the piece of paper on the wall. "I'm in group three?"

"If that's what the paper says, then that's what's true," Shelby said, raising an elegantly-shaped eyebrow and motioning for him to move away. "I don't write it; I just pin it up."

"Hey, roomie," Matt said, draping his arm over Kris's shoulders. "Ah, I'm in group two. Well, hmm. Looks like Adam's in that group. He's getting through for sure. And that Megan chick - _shit_, she's hot as hell. She's got a good chance. Other than that, I think I'm safe."

"You don't think any of the other girls have a shot?" Kris asked, double-checking and, yeah, Allison was still in group two. "I thought you liked Mishavonna."

"I do, but I have this feeling that she's going to fold under pressure," Matt said, steering them away from the lists. "Call it an instinct. Did you figure out what you wanted to sing over the break? Because I was talking to someone and you'll want to check to make sure it gets cleared. Rules are different now that all of us are getting on camera."

Kris had cycled "Man in the Mirror" in and out of his tour set and, blasphemous as it would be to say it out loud, the song almost felt more _his_ than Michael's after all those years. Hell, some of his fans - the younger ones - were surprised when they learned that it was a cover.

Not his fans anymore, he reminded himself - or... not his fans _yet_.

Group one night went the same as it had the first time - it was Scott that had switched places with him, Kris discovered after he went back to look at the lists again.

The night before group two went on, Katy called him to tease. "So, your not-boyfriend is performing tonight, right? Caught him in the audition episodes. You were right. He's _good_. And he's really hot."

"He is," Kris agreed miserably. That morning, Adam had tapped on Kris's door, probably after watching Matt leave, and then he'd laid Kris out on the bed, face-down, and rimmed him until Kris had needed to muffle his screams with a pillow. Then he'd jerked off on Kris's back - _Nice_, Kris had said sarcastically, _Now I need to shower again._ \- and gone to the bathroom to use Kris's mouthwash.

"Oh, bad news," Katy said. Kris made a sympathetic noise. "Daniel and I decided to call it quits."

"Huh, what happened?" Kris asked.

"It was more what _didn't_ happen," Katy said. "Just not enough of a spark. Still, I'm not going to give up."

"You'll find the right guy," Kris said, firmly. "Give it time."

"You give it time, too," Katy said. "He'll fall in love with you. I mean, sure, you've got your faults, but you're worth loving."

"Thanks a lot," Kris said and Katy laughed.

Adam got through - of course - and so did Allison. Matt bombed, again, though Kris had tried, gently, to suggest that he change his song. Matt had insisted that it was perfect and Megan got through instead.

Matt was probably going to be put through to the Wild Card round anyway, Kris figured.

With both of their roommates gone - because Matt was staying in L.A., but couldn't stay with the Idol group anymore - Kris found himself effectively moved into Adam's room, though he had to admit that he hadn't fought it very hard. The pictures of Adam with Brad came out, like they had before, and Adam's aggressiveness during sex spiked, though he managed to keep the hickeys and marks low enough that no one else would see them.

If Kris had actually _needed_ time to rehearse his song, he'd have been a little screwed.

After Kris made it through to the finals, Adam asked him if he wanted to celebrate, probably thinking that Kris would ask for something sex-related.

"I want to meet your family," Kris said, and his nerves were showing in the shakiness of his voice, but, damn it, he already knew that they would like him. They _had_ liked him, so Adam's skittishness over Kris meeting them was intensely frustrating. "And... and my parents came up to see me perform. I want them to meet you."

"Oh, honey," Adam said, and Adam had never, _ever_ pitied him. Not in all the years they'd known each other.

But they didn't. He'd been sleeping with Adam for over two months and Adam still didn't really know him. He barely heard Adam's excuses about why a family get-together was a bad idea, a kind of white noise filling his head up.

How was Adam _ever_ going to be able to know him when there were eight years that Kris couldn't breathe a word about?

He came back to himself in time to catch Adam's hands as he started easing Kris's shirt over his head. Kris pulled Adam's hands away and tugged the shirt back down, taking an extra second to breathe before looking up to meet Adam's eyes.

"You've already decided that this isn't ever going to be a real relationship, haven't you?" Kris asked. Adam sighed and the last thing that Kris could take right now was being let down easy. He pressed his finger against Adam's lips, shook his head, asked for silence every way but out loud. Kris dragged his finger down, pulling on Adam's lip for a second, but then continuing, tracing a line down Adam's face and neck until his finger snagged on Adam's necklaces. He twisted his hand into the cords, his knuckles brushing against Adam's skin.

Then Kris loosened his grip, leaned forward, and just... rested his cheek against Adam's chest, squeezing his eyes shut. "I love you," he said, barely moving his lips, much too quiet for Adam to hear him. He looked up, and he hated the way Adam was looking at him, like he was some kid who didn't understand the way the world worked.

"I can't do this tonight," Kris said, but he couldn't keep himself from kissing Adam again, just a brush of the lips. "But I'll come back tomorrow, okay?"

Adam reached out, the palm of his hand cupping Kris's cheek and he was maybe on the verge of saying something that Kris really didn't want to hear right now.

Kris pulled away and snagged his old keycard and his guitar. "See you in the morning," he said, and then he was hurrying away. He needed to think and his head would never stay clear if he was with Adam, that much was obvious.

The room that he was still technically staying in was clean and empty, and he put his guitar on the couch and skimmed out of his shirt, taking his phone out of his pants' pocket and putting it on the nightstand. It could go another day without being recharged.

He flopped backwards on the bed and tried to work out how he was going to fix things.

"Lenny, I don't know if you can hear me," Kris said, softly. "But is this the way it generally works? Or is this my fault for not having enough self-control?"

He waited for a few minutes, but no answer came.

Of course not.

Then he sat up on the bed and reached out for the handle on the nightstand. There, in the drawer, was the standard Gideon Bible - King James version. Kris stroked his hand along the smooth cover, taking in a few deep breaths. He'd been avoiding this - not just since all this happened, but since before the divorce.

Maybe it was time for him to stop running.

He pulled out the Bible and flipped it open, not looking at the page numbers or the chapters, moving until it felt right.

_Job_.

"For what is the hope of the hypocrite, though he hath gained, when God taketh away his soul?" Kris read aloud, his finger certain. He reflected on the sentence for a moment, but the meaning seemed clear enough to him. "I took away Adam's happiness in favor of trying to find my own."

He'd let himself ignore that, let himself believe that, since most of him hadn't believed Lenny had any true power, that it was all right to wish away Nick's presence in Adam's life. Adam had been _happy_, in the old future, genuinely happy and in love. And Kris had taken that away for his own selfish gain.

"I didn't have the right."

And it didn't matter that he hadn't really believed Lenny when he'd said what he could do. Kris had the power, right now, to make all this stop. All he had to do was tell the truth. All he'd ever needed to do was tell the truth.

Kris's sleep that night was restless, filled with half-remembered dreams of reaching out and never quite making it. He figured that it didn't take a professional to figured out what they meant.

He didn't go back to Adam's room, going down to the lobby for breakfast instead. Allison was there, her mom with her, and she was chatting loudly with Megan and eating messily. Kris leaned up against the wall and just watched them for a minute. So young. They were all so incredibly young and unjaded.

"Not hungry?" The voice was Danny's and Kris turned to see him standing next to Kris, shifting nervously, eyes darting from the diners to the breakfast items on display. "You should eat even if you aren't. Breakfast is the foundation of the day."

He sounded like he was quoting someone - he _was_, Kris recalled suddenly. He was quoting Sophia. "Yeah," Kris agreed, softly. "You want to eat together?"

Danny perked up, looked a little less lost. "That's- are you a sausage guy? I love sausage."

Kris laughed and headed for the plates, Danny half a step behind him. "I'm fond of meat, yes," Kris agreed, knowing that Danny would never hear the potential double-meaning.

After breakfast, Kris slipped out of the room and pulled out his phone, calling his parents - asking them to meet him for lunch. He spent the rest of the morning dodging Adam, which was harder than he'd have thought it would be.

"Congratulations again, son," his dad said when he met up with his parents, folding him up in a tight hug. No one knew who he was right now, so Kris took the opportunity to take his parents out to eat at a nearby restaurant that he and Adam had gone to a few times before it shut down a few years back... well, a few years into the future, now.

When his mom went for the check, Kris stopped her. "Let me take care of it this time." She fussed a little, but let him pay.

Afterwards, he took them up to his room in the hotel.

"I've been writing this song," he said, tuning his guitar up. "I wanted to play it for you guys because... well, it's _about_ you. About what you've given me."

He'd written the song three years ago, about a month after his father had passed away. There was a wistful quality to the song, because there had still been so much that he wished that his dad had gotten a chance to see, but there was joy as well. His parents had helped turn him into the man he was and - he hoped - thinking of them would help guide him to making the right choice today.

"That's a gorgeous song, baby," his mom said, wiping at her eyes. After he put his guitar back into its case, he sat next to her on the bed and she pulled him into a hug. "Such a pretty melody."

"Thank you, mama," he said, softly. He looked over at his dad, sitting in the chair by the window.

"What'd you think, Dad?" Kris asked.

"I loved it." His dad came over and Kris hugged him tight, and most people never got a second chance at saying goodbye. "I'm so proud of you." His dad's voice was a little choked up.

"I love you," Kris said, hands clenching briefly in his father's shirt before he made himself relax them. "I love both of you so much. _Thank you_."

"We love you, too," his dad said, sounding slightly puzzled at Kris's forcefulness. "Is something wrong, Kristopher?"

"No," Kris said, pulling away. He stared at his dad for a long moment, fixing this moment in his memory. "And you guys probably should get going if you want to make your flight."

"We can stay if you need us," his mom said. Kris shook his head.

"Don't worry about me," he said.

"Well, we'll see you next week," his mom said, sounding a bit uncertain about leaving still. "We're thinking of bringing someone with us - everyone's clamoring to come see you perform live on a big stage.

"Surprise me," Kris said. He walked them to the door and gave them each one last hug. "Goodbye."

He watched them walk down the hallway, kept watching until they turned the corner.

It was time for him to do what he needed to do but, even now, he was something of a procrastinator. Instead of seeking out Adam, Kris found himself picking out a new melody on his guitar, humming and occasionally finding a word or two that fit with the sound.

He wasn't sure how long he'd been doing that when there was a sharp knock on the door and then Adam entered, looking pissed off.

"Quick tip, sweetheart - if you really don't want to see someone, remember to take _both_ of your keycards," Adam said, a little snidely.

"I'm not avoiding you," Kris said, setting his guitar to the side. "I mean, not right now." He shrugged. "I was avoiding you earlier, I guess."

"I noticed," Adam said and he was pacing a little, in front of the bed where Kris was sitting. He stopped abruptly, waving his hand at Kris. "Okay. You can meet my parents. Does that make you happy?"

"It doesn't matter anymore," Kris said. Adam pressed his lips together and - wow, he was really annoyed.

"You pretend to be low-maintenance, but you aren't," Adam said and, if he were a cat, his tail would be lashing around right about now. "You ask for things and you don't even know what they mean. What do you even _want_?"

"You," Kris said, and Adam's eyes narrowed, but he seemed to be edging toward being thoughtful now instead of angry. "That's all, Adam. That was my big agenda. I wanted you."

"No, there's more to it than that," Adam said. He took a step closer. "You have a secret, Kris Allen. The way you look at me... the way you've always looked at me... there's something you're not telling me."

"Do you believe in wishes?" Kris asked. Adam's brow furrowed and he tilted his head, moving another step closer. "I don't mean... hoping. I mean magic."

"I don't know," Adam said. Kris leaned down to slip his guitar back in its case and then he shifted back on the bed, looking up at Adam hopefully. Adam still seemed suspicious and not all that thrilled, but he sat down next to Kris anyway. "What you do mean when you say 'magic'?"

"I made a wish and it came true," Kris said and he was waiting now, aware that at any moment he could cross whatever line might have been set up for him. "You were the wish."

"You're telling me that I'm your dream man?" Adam asked, turning sideways on the bed, pulling his legs up and crossing them. "We barely know each other, Kris. However wonderful you think I am, I'm not _that_ great. I can promise you that."

"That's not-" Kris broke off, tried to think of another way of telling Adam. "Maybe I shouldn't have asked if you believed in magic. Maybe I should have asked if you believe in time travel."

Adam laughed, clearly startled. "Not really. Are you... what are you saying?"

"I'm from the future," Kris said, and Adam raised a skeptical eyebrow. "It doesn't really matter if you believe me. I've broken the rules by telling you at all."

"What does that mean?" Adam asked, resting his hand on Kris's knee. It was heavy and warm and Kris had to take a deep breath before he could answer.

"I'm going back, I think," Kris said. "I'm not really sure how it works, but I think it means that I'm going back."

Kris shifted around on the bed so that he was facing Adam. He reached out and stroked the side of Adam's face, smiling a little at the feeling of foundation and make-up and all that crap that Adam thought he needed to look beautiful. Adam was watching him very carefully right now - maybe because Adam figured that he was crazy or something.

"It's the right thing to do, though," Kris added. "You were happy. It took me too long to remember that _that's_ what's supposed to matter the most."

He started to pull his hand away and Adam caught him by the wrist. "You weren't," Adam said. Then he nodded a little, as if he'd decided something, pulling Kris's hand into his lap and just holding onto it. "Okay, let's pretend I believe you. Tell me about the future."

"It doesn't-"

"Indulge me," Adam said, and his thumb was stroking over Kris's pulse-point now, steady and slow. "If you want to make me happy, indulge me a little."

"Okay," Kris said, licking his lips, trying to think of where to start. "You were engaged." Adam's gaze flew up to meet his, eyes startled and wide. Kris laughed a little. "Yeah. That's sorta what- you got engaged and I realized that your relationship with... with Nick was more solid than I'd given it credit for."

"You wanted me for yourself," Adam said, cautiously. "Why not just tell me?"

"After eight years of friendship?" Kris asked. Adam let out a tiny, surprised huff of breath. "I wasn't sure what to say."

"So, you turned to magic," Adam said, sounding skeptical. "I gotta say, you don't strike me as the sort of guy who goes in for magic."

"It was an accident," Kris started, and he kept talking, Adam prompting him whenever he slowed down. He still couldn't tell if Adam believed him, but it meant something that he kept listening. At some point in the conversation, Adam leaned back on the bed, tugging Kris down into his arms.

Kris closed his eyes, just let Adam's warmth surround him, taking in the familiar scent - Adam hadn't worn Dior Homme in years, but Kris still associated it with him, with comfort.

"Why are you telling me now?" Adam asked, his hand lightly caressing Kris's arm. "If you've kept this secret for over a year already, why tell me at all?"

Kris covered Adam's hand with his own, studied Adam's fingers a little - he wasn't wearing any rings right now, so he and Kris matched.

"Because you weren't my friend anymore," Kris said, and the longing in his own voice was enough to make him want to wince. "And because I don't think you can be happy with someone who can never tell you the whole truth."

There was another moment of silence, then Adam flipped his hand over, slid his fingers in between Kris's, locking them together.

"You're still here," Adam said. "Aren't you supposed to... I don't know, get whisked away to the future?"

"I'm not sure what's going to happen," Kris said. "Last time, I was asleep when things changed. Maybe it won't happen until I go to sleep." Kris paused. "Maybe he was lying about the consequences. Fuck. Maybe I really am crazy and I imagined all of it."

"Well, if you're still here in the morning..." Adam tipped Kris's head back and kissed the corner of his mouth. "I'll take you to meet my mom. How's that sound?"

"Like you're the crazy one," Kris said, dryly. He caught Adam's mouth, pressed his tongue inside for a moment before backing away again to study the curve of his cheek. "But I've always liked you that way."

Adam's hand slid down, tugged at Kris's shirt. Kris let Adam pull it off him, shivering slightly under the weight of the look Adam was giving him. This wasn't like the way Adam had been touching him the last couple of months, was closer to the way he'd dreamed of Adam being with him, an edge of surprise in his eyes. "Gotta figure," Adam said, thumb brushing against one of Kris's nipples. "You either stalked the hell of me or what you told me is true. Either way... that's kinda a big compliment."

"If I'm a stalker, you should be scared, not flattered," Kris said, reaching back to fumble at Adam's belt. "Moron."

Adam grabbed Kris's arm lazily, stopping him, then he pushed himself up and over Kris, looming a little. He was smiling, just wide enough for Kris to see a glint of white. "I think I could take you."

"If that's what you want," Kris said, breathy, arching his hips up.

Adam pinned his hips down with an arm and, honestly, Kris could probably break his hold if he wanted, but instead of doing that, he just wriggled a little, hips bucking up enough to make Adam feel him move. Then Adam was yanking open Kris's jeans and hauling them down, spreading Kris's legs and nuzzling into the bend between his thigh and pelvis.

"If you were a close friend in the future, then you know... you know what happened..." Adam faltered, and Kris stroked a hand over his shoulders.

"With you and Brad?" Kris pressed his thumb in a little, massaging, comforting in a way that he knew Adam liked. "I know."

"I was so in love with him," Adam said, and Kris wondered if he'd noticed that he'd said _was_. "Maybe too much. And I never wanted to be that vulnerable again. Am I? With this... Nick guy?"

"He makes you laugh," Kris said, and it was hard to concentrate on Adam's relationship with Nick when he could actually feel Adam's breath ghosting over his cock. "I- until you asked him to marry you, though, I hadn't realized you guys were serious. Even after four years, I hadn't thought-"

"Long time," Adam said, pulling down Kris's briefs. He'd taken Kris's shoes off, too, and Kris was naked under him now. "You said we've been friends eight years? How long have you been waiting for me?"

"All my life," Kris said, before he thought about it. But Adam didn't seem to think it was too sappy, leaning back down to lick at Kris's belly, just next to his cock. Kris reached out to Adam's cheek and tried to encourage him to move over, just enough, but Adam laughed and pinned his hand down to the covers.

"Come on, tell me the serious answer," Adam said. "Or you definitely aren't getting your cock sucked."

"Fuck you," Kris said. He shook his head slightly, trying to remember the details. "I've always loved you. Didn't realize what kind of love until five years ago."

Adam took just the head of Kris's cock into his mouth, tongue circling around the slit. Kris clenched his free hand in the sheets, biting down on his lip.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Adam asked, pulling back again. "If we're as close as you say we are - why not just tell me?"

"Yeah, it's as easy as that," Kris said, with a snort of laughter. "Besides, I was still married. I couldn't- not while I was with Katy."

"You were married to a _girl_?" Adam asked and that seemed to throw him as much as talking about time travel had. "You aren't fucking with me on that?"

"Guess I don't come off as a hundred percent straight this time around," Kris said and if he was a little smug about it, he figured he'd earned that. "Which, by the way, I never told you. You - the other you - _assumed_ that."

"Don't blame me for him being stupid," Adam said, and he went down on Kris again, taking more of Kris's dick into his mouth this time. Kris shifted, brought his leg up onto Adam's shoulder so that he could get closer. He couldn't actually thrust up, not with Adam leaning on him the way he was, but he could roll up into Adam's touch.

Adam seemed to be done talking now, which Kris really appreciated. He pressed his fingers against the bed, closed his eyes, and let his legs fall wider open. One of Adam's fingers rubbed against his hole and then he heard Adam cursing, quiet but sharp.

"Wha- what's wrong?" Kris asked, blinking his eyes open again.

"The lube and condoms are in the other hotel room," Adam said. "Whatever, we'll improvise."

Before Kris could ask what that meant, Adam rolled him over, pressing kisses against his back. Adam was still mostly dressed and his clothes had all sorts of zips and dangles on them that were irritating him now that Adam wasn't sucking his cock.

"You should be naked," Kris told him, flailing his hand back to yank on Adam's jacket.

Adam pulled away and Kris could hear the rustling that meant he was shedding clothes, so Kris sighed in satisfaction. Adam's voice was muffled for a second when he started talking again. "So, all this time, when I thought you were just overwhelmed by being in L.A. and taking the chance to spread your wings for the first time... you were trying to make me fall in love with you."

"Don't remind me," Kris said, twisting onto his side so that he could watch Adam. "Believe me, I noticed how badly I failed at that."

Adam's shirt was off and Kris could spot the line where his make-up blended away and his freckles reappeared. He was just now stripping off everything else, throwing his clothes behind himself to add to the mess on the floor. "I just... you wanted me that much," Adam said, and Kris could hear the question in his voice. "It was never just attraction."

Kris reached forward to take Adam's hand, tugging him down onto the bed. "When we knew each other - the first time around - I didn't even know I was attracted to you. I think... looking back, I think I was, but I didn't realize it. But the attraction is so much bigger than... than the physical. We were roommates during the competition and it's- it's crazy how quickly talking to you every night became the best part of my day."

"We haven't really done much talking," Adam said, settling between Kris's legs. He slid his hand along the outside of Kris's thigh, encouraging him to lift his leg up around Adam's back. Adam had lined up their cocks, then he licked at his hand and wrapped it around both of them. They hadn't actually done it like this before and it was... it was nice. Not as distracting as Adam being inside him was, so Kris was able to watch Adam a little better, see the way his eyelashes fluttered as his hand stroked up. Adam's mouth quirked up in something between a smirk and a smile. "Tell me something nice about the future."

Kris held onto to Adam's shoulders and tried to think - there was something, something that he'd missed this year. "We've been doing - _oh_, please, don't stop - we've been doing the holidays together for the past few years. My mom knows- she knows how to make latkes because of your mom."

"We're naked and you're talking about our mothers," Adam said, leaning down to kiss Kris on the nose. "I'm not sure if that's sweet or horrifying. Maybe it's both."

Then Adam's grip tightened and Kris wasn't really talking about anything. It was only a few more short strokes before Kris was shuddering and coming, and Adam wasn't far behind.

"Not that it isn't nice," Kris said, wiping at his stomach with the damp washcloth that Adam had brought out. "But why do you believe me, anyway? If it were me, I don't know if- I might just think you'd lost your mind."

"Something you said when you were talking about what happened, " Adam said, tugging his briefs back on and then getting back into the bed, pulling Kris up against him. Kris debated getting up to take it back to the bathroom, but he was so comfortable where he was, so he tossed the washcloth onto the nightstand. One of Adam's hands was resting on his stomach and he could feel the soft bulge of Adam's cock against his ass, even through Adam's underwear. "You mentioned that this guy had weird, watery gray eyes. I've seen that before."

"You've met Lenny?" Kris asked, suppressing a yawn.

"No," Adam said and it was getting kinda hard for Kris to keep his eyes open. "The person I'm thinking of was a girl. It was... it was when I was fifteen. She was being chased by a- a big dog. Like a mastiff, I guess, but enormous. _She_ was tiny. She looked about eight years old."

"Her eyes?" Kris prompted.

"After I got her away from the dog, she looked at me and asked if she could repay me," Adam said. "...and I've never seen eyes like that since. But I told her she didn't have to and asked her where her parents where, and she kinda laughed and said that she'd help me out when she got the chance. Then she ran away, around a corner, and she- she wasn't there when I followed her."

Adam hesitated, his fingers tensing slightly on Kris's stomach.

"So, yeah," Adam said, slow and thoughtful. "I think I believe you. And that means that I won't be here when you wake up, so Kris- " His voice sharpened slightly. "You need to promise me something."

"Anything for you," Kris said, patting Adam's hand. He could feel sleep pressing in on him, even though he didn't really want all this to go away. "You know that." He paused. "You _will_ know that."

"Tell him," Adam said, urgently, and Kris tried to blink his eyes open, but everything was so heavy and dark. "Tell him how you feel. Even if you do think he's in love with someone else. Because- because I think you're _my_ wish, too."

"Promise," Kris murmured. He could feel the press of Adam's mouth against the top of his head and then he couldn't keep his eyes open for another second.

He didn't dream. He only drifted in darkness, warm and comforting.

Then he woke up and he was staring directly into the startled green eyes of a woman that he'd never seen before in his life. She gasped, loudly, and fell off the bed.

"Holy fucking Christ driving a tractor," she said. She was naked. Really naked. Extremely naked and very... bountiful on top. Kris covered his eyes with his hand, muttering out a 'sorry', when he realized that there was the warmth of another body behind him. Slowly, he turned around, and there was a man behind him, narrowing his eyes at Kris. The guy was bigger than Kris, which might end up being a concern, with blond hair that didn't seem to be a dye job. Kris could tell, because the man was also naked.

Kris, on the other hand, seemed to be fully dressed, except for his shoes. In fact- he looked around at the room, trying to avoid the naked girl. His hand reached up for his neck and... and he was wearing the necklace that Adam had given him. He was...

"You're Kris Allen." It was the man, who had gone off the bed the other way and seemed to be flailing for something on the floor. When he stood up again, he was wearing boxers and he tossed something across the bed at the woman.

"Holy shit," she said. "Holy fucking shit."

"You swear a lot," Kris said, peeking over to see if she was covered up - okay, the robe she was wearing was a bit short, but it covered the important parts. He sighed in relief and tried to figured out why they were in his hotel room. "You guys seem to know who I am, but I'm afraid that I don't-"

"Gloria," the woman said. Her hair was straight and dark red - though Kris unfortunately already knew that it was dyed - and it came down to her shoulders now that she wasn't moving around so much. She looked past him at the man. "Honey, you better call the front desk. I'll call the police."

"Um. Does that need to-" Kris started to shift toward the door.

The man threw the inner lock which... couldn't stop Kris, of course, but would slow him down. "Oh, no. We are not going to be the people who lost Kris Allen. We'd be murdered. Slaughtered in our sleep. I'm Kevin, by the way."

"Nice to meet you," Kris said, gaze shifting between the two of them. They remained extremely agitated and Kris was getting a bad feeling about all this. "I'm not sure why the police need to get involved?"

"You might be right," Gloria said, biting at her fingernail. "I guess I should call the FBI? I don't know. But the police will know what to do."

"Why can't I just leave?" Kris asked. "Also, where's my stuff?"

"Your stuff?" Kevin asked. "Are you- oh, my god. Gloria, he has amnesia. Maybe you should call a hospital."

"I'll call the front desk," Gloria said, moving over to the phone on the nightstand. "You figure out what he remembers."

"Look," Kris said, turning to face Kevin. He smiled at the guy, tried to be as charming as Adam always told him he was. "I just want to go home."

"That's what everyone wants," Kevin said. "We'll get you home; don't worry about it. What's the last thing you remember?"

The last thing Kris remembered would probably get him locked up for being nuts. "Um. I went to sleep... in my hotel room. But I was alone."

"Okay," Kevin said. "Okay. That's... shit. I don't know what to do. Just sit tight until someone official comes, okay?"

Gloria seemed to have finished incoherently flailing to the front desk and now seemed to be doing the same to the cops. About ten minutes after Kris had first woken up, there was a knock at the door - hotel staff, nobody that Kris recognized, though he probably _wouldn't_ recognize anyone but Lenny or the bartender. His name tag said 'Rob' and he was twenty if he was a day.

"Wow, it really _is_ Kris Allen," Rob said. "Wow."

"The local police should be here in less than an hour," Gloria said, coming up next to Kris - she was about four inches taller than he was. "They said not to take anything out of the room. If the kidnapper snuck Kris in here, there might be evidence."

"Kidnapper?" Kris asked, nose wrinkling up. "I wasn't... I haven't been _kidnapped_."

"How would you know?" Gloria said. "You can't remember anything after the night you disappeared. You told us that yourself."

"The night that I..." Kris paused for a moment. "How... how long have-"

"How long have you been missing?" Kevin finished. "I'm not sure of the exact date, but it's been over a year."

"Yeah, because of the benefit," Gloria agreed.

"Benefit?" Kris asked.

"The Hope Ball," Gloria said, then her eyes widened as she came up with an idea. She darted off to the other side of the room, pulling out a laptop and pushing it into Kris's hands. "Go online. I know that there's a website for it - just look for the Kris Allen Hope Ball 2018. You can watch it while you wait for the police to show up."

Then Gloria glanced over at Rob, blinked a couple of times and went off again, apparently to grab clothes. She took Kevin by the arm and they both disappeared into the bathroom. Kris looked at the door to the hallway with longing, but Rob was blocking his way, so he sat down at the table, opened up the computer and got onto the local network.

Over a year. Apparently, time hadn't stood still while he'd been in the past - however little sense that seemed to make. Or maybe it did. Like anyone knew how things like that worked.

The website was glossy and fast, and there was a picture of him right at the top. Adam had hosted it, Kris read, and the list of performers ranged from close friends all the way to _Bono_, which was a bit of an eye-opener. He turned the sound up and started the intro video.

Adam strode out on stage to thunderous applause - he was too thin, Kris noticed, and he looked exhausted. His smile was forced, but his voice was clear as he spoke.

"Welcome, everyone, to what I hope will be the only event of this kind," Adam said. "As you all know, our friend Kris Allen was taken from us last year. Just a little over a year ago." Adam's voice faltered slightly, but then he picked up again. "If you have seen Kris or think that you might have seen him, I urge you to contact my people. We take every call seriously, so don't fuck around with us, okay?"

Adam sat down on a stool in the center of the stage, several spotlights trained on him. He was wearing all black, which wasn't unusual, but it _was_ strange that he was on stage and not wearing any nail polish or jewelry. Not even any make-up. "There's a song that- the meaning of it has changed for me over the years, but the emotion behind it is always... always strong. Kris- if you're out there. If, wherever you are, you can hear this, please come back to us."

Then Adam closed his eyes and he sang _Come Home_, a cappella.

His voice cracked on the bridge.

Kris didn't know when he started crying, but he'd needed to wipe at his eyes at that part and at the way Adam hadn't even flinched at the mistake, because the reason behind his voice breaking was-

If Kris had known...

If he'd had any clue that keeping his secret meant that _this_ would happen, he would have told the very first day.

Kris clapped the laptop shut, balling his hands up into fists.

"There's more," Gloria said, leaning over his shoulder. He jerked slightly, not having heard her leave the bathroom. "It was a three-hour concert. Later on, Adam sings one of the songs from your first album."

Kris pushed the laptop away with a wince.

"Don't traumatize the poor guy," Kevin said, sprawling in the chair on the other side of the table."He's got _amnesia_."

Kris didn't try to argue. Amnesia was probably the safest thing to say.

"I need- I need to call people," Kris said, and his voice was thick and rough. "My mom. Adam. I need a phone." Gloria pressed her cell phone into his hands and Kris nearly dropped it.

He dialed his mom first, but she didn't pick up. Fuck. He was just a random number. He needed _his_ phone. He tried calling Adam, next, on the private line that Adam _should_ answer, because it was just for need-to-know people, but Adam didn't pick up either. It went to voicemail, though, unlike his mom's.

"Hey, Adam. Don't freak out. I'm okay. I guess the police are coming out because I've been missing? I'm in Chicago. Um, I have to give this lady back her phone, but I'm at the same hotel that I was at before."

Then the police got there and everything started to happen really fast. There was processing - and, yeah, the FBI, who wanted to talk to him to see what he remembered. He was asked, delicately, if he needed to go to a hospital.

They'd contacted his people already, they told him. His mom was on her way.

And, apparently, Gloria called one of her friends before the cops could tell her not to, which meant that when Kris got picked up, there was a small crowd gathering already, because Gloria's friend had told another friend and... well, word had spread.

His cell phone hadn't been in the room - none of his stuff had been, which made sense, since it'd been a year and all - so he couldn't contact anyone himself. He had to trust other people to do it, which was... frustrating.

Kris said as much to the FBI guy who was pressing him for answers.

Their theory - which Kris couldn't really argue with, given the circumstances - was that he had been drugged and kidnapped by Lenny, who apparently had completely fabricated his previous work experience. They suspected that he'd only gotten the job because of the opportunity that it gave for him to get at Kris, because he'd started working there a week after Kris had announced his concert dates, including the one for Chicago.

Kris had to admit that it all sounded pretty suspicious. If he didn't know the truth, he might believe that he'd been kidnapped, too.

Finally, after he couldn't tell them anything useful, they gave up and let him have a visitor. Unfortunately, the first person to arrive wasn't his mom, but a Jive representative.

She was a sweetheart, but not exactly who he wanted to see. Still, he could reassure her that he didn't need to take a whole lot of time off to 'adjust' to being not-missing.

His mom did get there right after, though, and Kris let her hug the breath out of him. He stroked her hair and tucked his face into the crook of her neck, and just let her cry for a while.

She wiped her eyes afterwards, pulling herself together. "Adam's on his way, honey. He would have been here by now, but he was in New Zealand for a concert, so it's taking him a little time. Your brother's here, but they weren't sure about sending more than one person in to see you."

"I'm not sick or anything," Kris said. "Is anyone else here?"

"Pretty much everyone wants to see you, baby," his mom said. "But I'll make sure that it's not overwhelming for you. Was it horrible? Oh, of course, it was. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. Just... don't worry about a thing. You should be able to get right back to your old life - though I'm sure Adam will insist that you get a bodyguard-"

"I don't need-"

"Oh, no," his mom said, and she'd shifted from concern to sternness. "You don't get to argue on that one."

And then she went and knocked on the door and told the person waiting outside that Kris could handle more visitors.

His mom really hadn't been kidding - she actually imposed a fifteen-minute rule for the guests so that they could work through them all, though Kris insisted that Cale and the rest of the band get to stay for as long as they wanted.

"I'm with another group right now," Ryland said. "But when I told him Kris Allen had been found, he told me to go to you in peace. So, yeah, as soon as you're ready, I'm back in the band."

"Well, unlike the traitors over there," Chris said. "_I_ hadn't given up on you."

"Traitors?" Kris asked, raising his eyebrows and looking over at Cale and Andrew.

"It's a temporary gig," Cale said, and it sounded like a long-running argument. "We're out of it in a month. And it'll take at least that long for all the legal bullshit to get sorted through, I'm sure. Plus, you know Adam's going to lock him up for a while." Chris shrugged, smiling a little at the mention of Adam's name.

"Adam doesn't have the authority to lock me up anywhere," Kris protested.

"Right, he won't lock you up," Ryland said. "He'll ask you politely not to leave. But it amounts to the same thing in the long run. Man, the poor guy has to be freaking out that he was on the other side of the world when you finally turned up."

"I haven't been able to talk to him yet," Kris said.

"Shit, really?" Cale asked. He pulled out his phone and pressed in a number. "Here, take the damn phone."

Kris held his breath as he listened to the phone ring and then- and then it was Adam's voice, tired and irritated. "Calling me doesn't make the plane fly any faster. All you're doing is making the flight attendant glare at me for not turning my phone off." Kris opened his mouth to respond, but couldn't find any words. "Cale?"

Kris let out a soft breath. "Adam, it's me."

"_Kris_." It was quiet, something close to reverent.

"Did you get my message?" Kris asked. "About being in Chicago?"

"Yeah, I got your message," Adam said, a little louder now. "You told me not to freak out, but I have to admit I did anyway."

"How far away are you?" Kris asked. "They told me that you were in New Zealand."

"Yeah, I fucking hate New Zealand," Adam said. "I'm still - give me a second-" Kris could hear Adam muffling the voice, and the brief sound of another voice. "They're saying I'll land near Chicago in two more hours."

"Good," Kris said. Then he added, "You don't hate New Zealand."

"For keeping me away from you? You better fucking believe I do," Adam said and Kris really wished that he could see Adam's face. "You didn't- if anyone hurt you, just tell me who and I'll... just tell me. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Kris said, soothing. "You'll see when you get here. Nothing to worry about, okay? I'm trying to get them to give me a hotel room. So, hopefully, we'll have a place to talk that's not in the middle of a herd of FBI agents."

"Hey, don't worry about that - I'll figure it out," Adam said. "You let them take care of you, can you promise me that? And don't go anywhere alone."

"I promise," Kris said, then he lowered his voice and turned away from the guys. "Grab a nap if you can, okay? I saw that... that benefit video of yours. You looked exhausted. You can't be much better now."

"Yeah," Adam said, his tone dropping, too. "I will. I'll see you soon."

"Soon," Kris agreed, then he ended the call and handed the phone back to Cale.

"He's single," Andrew said, out of the blue. Kris stared at him, trying to figure out how the hell Andrew had worked out that Kris might want to know that. Andrew shrugged. "I just realized that you wouldn't know yet."

"What happened to Nick?" Kris asked, looking over at Cale.

"I don't know the details," Cale said, scratching a little at his beard. He must have recently re-grown it for it to be itching like that. "Just that it ended badly. A really bad fight. Nick ended up going to the hospital and he... he hasn't talked to any of us since."

"Fuck," Kris said, and he couldn't even begin to figure out what that might mean. He'd never known Adam to get violent with _anyone_, let alone someone he cared about. "How long ago?"

"It was about a week after the benefit, so I guess it was two-three months ago," Cale said.

There was a knock at the door and his mom poked her head in. "Honey, Allison just got here with a bunch of people from L.A. - do you want me to send them in?"

"Go ahead, yeah," Kris said, and he was soon enveloped in a hug by Allison, her hair a violent neon-purple now, very different than when he'd left. Right behind her was Danielle, her face serious and her arms tight around him.

"My boy has been missing you so much," Danielle told him, her voice choking up. She and Allison had each claimed the places next to him on the long couch, but no one else was shy about crowding around. Cassidy sat down on the floor right in front of Kris and he was first person to mention Kris's shoes.

"They're hideous," he said, flicking the bright orange of the shoe's tongue. "I thought you had developed better taste."

Kris laughed. "Mine were missing when I woke up," he said. "These belong to the guy I was in bed with-" which was news to everyone in the room, so he had to tell the story about how he'd woken up with two naked strangers.

"And you really don't remember anything?" Brad sounded concerned but there was a slight edge of suspicion in his voice. Kris looked away, shrugged. Allison rubbed his shoulder.

"It's okay if... if something happened," she said. "You can tell us."

"I fell asleep in my hotel bed and then I woke up in it and it was over a year later," Kris said, staring down at his hands. "I don't- I don't remember being kidnapped or held or... or anything. I really don't." He looked up, straight at Brad, willing him not to ask any more questions. "My story is boring. What's been going on with you guys? I've got so much that I need to catch up on."

Brad nodded, thoughtfully, and Allison was talking now, telling him about the guy she was seeing who was "_soooo_ amazingly scorching hot, man".

Kris lost track of time, just listening to them talk about their lives, Danielle and Allison cuddling up against him, but when the door opened and Adam came in, everyone fell silent. Fuck, Adam was skinny now - even more than he'd been in the video that Kris had watched.

"Hey, there," Kris said, stupid and overwhelmed. He got pushed off the couch and onto his feet and he stumbled toward Adam, and he was maybe shaking a little because the look in Adam's eyes was... intense. Adam cupped Kris's cheek with his hand and just stared at him for a while - Kris noticed that Adam was wearing makeup now, but it couldn't quite hide the shadows under his eyes.

They had to be making everyone else in the room uncomfortable, but Kris didn't think he could move yet and he definitely couldn't look away from Adam.

"Missed you," Kris said, and it was almost a surprise how true it was. Despite having a version of Adam around the last couple of months, it hadn't been _his_ Adam, the friend that had been with him through so much over the last few years. "Missed you so much."

Kris leaned up to wrap his arms around Adam's neck, pushing up into a tight hug. One of his hands splayed out on Adam's back, trying to drag him down, bring him closer. Adam was hugging him back, and his fingers were digging into Kris's skin through his shirt and it maybe hurt a little, but Kris didn't mind.

Adam was talking, quietly, and Kris couldn't really hear what he was saying, it was so low and mumbled. He rubbed at Adam's back, pressed his face against Adam's shoulder. Then Adam pulled away, just far enough to look Kris in the eyes. "I'm getting you out of here, okay? I've already talked it out with everyone. They're sending some extra people to watch over us from outside, they're working on finding the bastard, but you get to leave with me."

Kris nodded, letting go of Adam reluctantly. "I wasn't looking forward to spending the night here, that's for sure."

Adam reached up and touched Kris's necklace, then he nodded. "We're going out a side entrance. Hopefully, we should avoid the paps that way."

"There's people here?" Kris asked.

"Oh, don't even ask," Adam said, taking Kris's hand and tugging him out of the room before he had a chance to say 'goodbye'.

They caught a glimpse of the crowd from the windows, though, luckily, they remained unspotted, and Adam was right. It was... kinda scary how big it was.

"Wow, a guy disappears for a year and people get real interested in him," Kris said. Adam wasn't smiling - Adam hadn't actually smiled yet, now that Kris thought about it, which was... wrong and something that Kris needed to fix as soon as he got the chance.

They got out without getting caught, which was nice, because Kris hadn't even figured out what he should tell the FBI. Trying to work out what the press should know was a nightmare he would leave for his PR people.

Having bodyguards around again was strange, especially since Kris knew that he didn't need them at all. But he wasn't sure how he could possibly explain that to anyone without sounding like someone who needed meds and lots of quiet and possibly a padded room.

"Okay," Adam said, once they were finally alone. Adam pushed Kris into the plushy chair by the fireplace and kneeled down in front of him. He was holding onto Kris's hands and that hard, intense look still hadn't left his eyes. "I've been hearing that you don't remember anything that happened. That true or are you trying to avoid dealing?"

Kris bit down on his lip, hesitating.

"_Kris_," Adam said, and there was a tiny smear of eyeliner that had gone awry, like Adam had put on his make-up in a hurry.

"What happened with you and Nick?" Kris asked and Adam's eyebrows pulled together in confusion. "The guys... they told that you'd broken up. What happened? Last I heard, you'd just asked him to marry you."

"This is what you want to talk about?" Adam asked. Kris nodded and Adam sighed, letting go of Kris's hands and getting up to his feet. Apparently, he needed to pace. Kris watched as Adam walked over toward the door, spun on his heel, walked back to Kris, turned around again, and then repeated the whole thing five times. His hands were moving slightly the whole time and Kris got the feeling that Adam was staging an epic argument inside his own head. Finally, Adam looked back over his shoulder and Kris and then sighed. "Okay, but then you're going to talk to me about what happened to you."

"Sure," Kris agreed, drawing his left foot up into the chair and wrapping his hands around his knee. "So. Spill. I hear there was an argument and that Nick went to the hospital. Did that really happen?"

"He didn't need to go to the hospital," Adam said. "He said that he did, later, but it wasn't true."

"What is true?" Kris asked.

"You said that you saw the benefit videos?" Adam asked, and he was biting on his thumbnail, which Kris hadn't seen him do in years.

"Just the first one," Kris said. "I couldn't- I couldn't keep watching."

Adam nodded. "Nick was... really great about the fact that I couldn't give a date for the wedding. At first. After a year, I guess he just ran out of patience."

"I don't understand where the violence comes in," Kris said. "And you've... you've _always_ been friends with your ex-boyfriends afterwards."

"Yeah, well, he said some things..." Adam studied Kris's face for a second and then he was dropping down to his knees again, and he leaned his head against the arm of the chair and looked up at Kris, his fingers reaching out to curl around Kris's ankle. "We'd only just done the benefit a few days earlier. And he asked me how long he was supposed to put his life on hold because you were missing."

"Oh," Kris said, and he wrapped his hands around Adam's. "That's... that's not everything."

"He said... that with no ransom asked, no proof of life, you were probably dead," Adam said, and he was staring past Kris now, a distant look in his eyes. "I was... already angry. When he said that... I guess I just snapped." Adam chuckled, dry and humorless. "I broke his nose. Told him to leave. I haven't seen him since. I had Tracy collect his personal items and take them over to him. I didn't even want to look at him."

"I'm sorry," Kris said. Adam sighed, leaned forward and brushed his mouth against Kris's hand.

"It was my worst fear," Adam said, looking up and meeting Kris's eyes. "That we wouldn't ever find you, but that... one day... we would find a body that used to be you. Some days, early on, I couldn't even answer my phone because I was afraid of what I might find out. What happened, Kris? Did he hurt you? Why won't you say anything?"

"No one-" Kris reached out and touched Adam's ear, distracted. "You're wearing the plugs I gave you." Green in the center, with a black ring around the edge. "I thought you didn't like them."

Adam caught Kris's hand and pulled it back down. "Please, Kris. No changing the subject or dodging or asking _me_ questions. Just tell me."

"I don't want you to think I'm crazy," Kris said, twisting his hand in Adam's grip, just slightly.

"Whatever you tell me, I promise that I will believe you," Adam said. "_I promise_."

Kris chewed on his bottom lip for a second, then Adam pressed his finger lightly against it, raising his eyebrows. Then Kris remembered something that might help, as long as it was true.

If it wasn't, then he probably _was_ crazy.

"When you were fifteen, did you save a girl with strange eyes from a dog?" Kris asked. Adam looked blank for a terrifying second, then recognition filled up his eyes. "And she promised to repay the favor some day?"

"How do you- I never told anyone about that," Adam said. "I'd almost forgotten about it."

Kris laughed in relief, but once he started, he couldn't seem to stop. Adam rose up on his knees, pulled Kris into a tight hug and Kris laughed until he was sobbing, pressed tight against Adam's chest. "I'm so glad," Kris said, once he managed to pull enough air into his lungs. "I'm so glad that was real. Because that means everything else was, too."

"What happened?" Adam asked again and, this time, Kris could finally tell him.

"I made a wish," Kris said. He leaned forward and pressed his mouth against Adam's, light and easy. Adam's eyes were wide and his mouth was still with shock underneath Kris's but... but Kris had to hope. He pulled away slightly to reorient himself and Adam barely even seemed to be breathing. Kris kissed him again, pressing on Adam's lower lip and dragging it down just a little.

Then Adam's hands were cupping Kris's face and his lips parted and he was kissing Kris back, but softly, like he was afraid if he pushed too hard, everything would burst apart... like a soap bubble landing on rough pavement.

That just wasn't going to work, so Kris pushed forward, leading, pressing his tongue against Adam's lips and then into his mouth. He'd been kissing Adam for weeks, but it hadn't been like this. Adam's hands left Kris's face and ghosted down his body and Adam was shaking underneath him and Kris had to ask. "Were you in love with me? Back... back when you told everyone you thought I was cute but straight. What if I'd- if I'd-"

"Oh, honey," Adam said, and he leaned back all the way onto the floor, pulling Kris on top of him. He covered Kris's neck in lingering, sucking kisses, and Kris twisted his hand into Adam's hair to keep him close. Kris got the feeling that it was going to be obvious to everyone what they'd been doing. He was kinda good with that. Adam's teeth tugged at Kris's ear and then he whispered, "Yeah."

Adam pulled back, his gaze landing somewhere around Kris's chin as he kept talking. "I felt awful about it but _yes_. And I never stopped. That's why- Nick was right to be pissed at me, even before I punched him. I was treating him like shit after you disappeared because- because the last time I talked to you, it was about him. And then I let you go. And every time that I looked at him, all I could think was that if I'd just kept you on the phone..." Kris pressed a kiss against the curve of Adam's jaw.

"I'm sorry," Kris breathed against Adam's skin.

Adam shook his head a little, but didn't say anything, tilting Kris's chin up so that they could kiss some more. Kris was straddling Adam now and he could feel the difference between _then_ and _now_, and it made him frown.

"When we get back to L.A., I'm gonna make you a home-cooked meal," Kris said, slipping his hand under Adam's clothes to rub at his hipbones. "I'll even make it without meat if you're on that vegetarian kick of yours again."

"Chicken and fish," Adam said, a tiny hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

"Roasted chicken, then," Kris decided. "And... and mashed potatoes. Give me some time, I can make you some ice cream, too."

"I don't need ice cream," Adam said.

"Sure, you do," Kris said. "You can lick it off my stomach."

Adam stared at him for a second, then he laughed. It didn't last very long but, afterwards, he kept smiling and it was one of Kris's favorite Adam smiles, the one with just a hint of teeth that still managed to crinkle up the skin around his eyes. "Okay, you're right," Adam said. "We _absolutely_ need ice cream."

Kris leaned down for another kiss, feeling perfectly content to do that for... oh, the next decade or so. Adam, it seemed, was a bit less patient, and Kris was forced to break off the kiss so that Adam could get both their shirts off.

Adam seemed to be more than a little fascinated with Kris's body now that the clothes were coming off. He slid his fingers over what felt like every inch of revealed skin, gliding them up Kris's smooth chest - Kris could never manage to grow the amount of chest hair that Adam naturally, though that didn't seem to be bothering Adam much - and saying things that were making Kris blush a little. Not dirty things, just stuff about the way Kris looked that was a bit over the top.

Still, Kris ruffled Adam's hair and let him touch his fill. After all, Adam hadn't gotten to spend the last couple of months exploring Kris's body, so they were kinda starting out on uneven ground.

After a while longer, Adam undid the button on Kris's pants, pressing a hand lightly over Kris's cock, making him rock into Adam's touch. Adam was hard, too, Kris could feel it, but Adam's concentration seemed completely on Kris, taking him out and stroking over the length of his dick. Adam's eyes were focused and intent, his tongue sticking out just slightly - just a dash of pink - and his hands were surprisingly rough, for Adam. Kris pulled in a shaky breath and then reached down and grabbed Adam's hand, looking at his fingers. Calluses. Guitar calluses.

"Thought you said you were hopeless at learning to play instruments," Kris said. "That your voice was the only one you needed?"

"Shut up," Adam said, yanking his hand away. His cheeks were flushed. "I still suck at it. Just... more frequently."

"I could give you lessons," Kris said, running a hand teasingly down Adam's chest. "You have to hold it the right way, let it sing to you. You've got great hands, Adam. You could be amazing at it if you really tried."

"Okay, that's it," Adam said, sitting up. Kris had to grab onto Adam's shoulders to keep from landing on his ass. "We're moving this to the bed. Right now."

"All right," Kris said and, as he stood, he stripped off his pants and underwear, kicking off his shoes. The bed was disgustingly huge, like the ones that Kris always ended up with unless he reminded Sandra to ask for a smaller room, and Kris crawled to the center and then sprawled out on his back, watching as Adam undressed the rest of the way.

"You're ridiculously gorgeous," Adam said, sitting on the edge of the bed. _Much_ too far away.

"Whatever. You're the one that makes girls faint," Kris said, reaching down to tug a little at his cock. Adam's eyes followed Kris's hand, his tongue darting out to wet his lips. "What are you thinking you want to do?"

"I know what I want," Adam said, reaching out and covering Kris's hand with his, fingers pressed through the gaps to touch Kris's cock. Kris bucked up into their hands, moaning. Adam's gaze was still locked on Kris's dick. "I want you to fuck me."

Kris wrinkled his nose up. "Really? I mean, I don't mind, but I thought-"

"Yeah, I like being the one doing the fucking," Adam said. "But right now, I just-" He let go of Kris's cock and just traced his fingers along the muscles of Kris's stomach. "I still can't believe you're really here. I need you to _make_ me feel it."

It didn't shock Kris to find out that Adam still always packed ready for sex - just in case - as that had been something that had been true on the Idol tour, too, even though he'd only actually used his supply once, in New York, when Drake had managed to make it out. So, there was lube and there were some condoms in Adam's bag and Kris put both on them on the nightstand.

He'd gotten used to touching Adam over the last couple of months, but it was nice to lay him out and explore him _now_. He nuzzled at Adam's cock, licked it and sucked on the head, but he didn't want Adam to come until Kris was inside him, so he didn't get too involved in it. Then he slicked up his fingers and did his best to remember what Adam had done to him the first time.

He huffed out a surprised breath when his finger finally managed to push inside - so _tight_, almost scarily so. Adam had gotten him all relaxed and, by the time Kris had actually gotten fucked, he'd been desperate for it. Kris wasn't quite sure how to get Adam to that point, but he fumbled along, sliding his finger in and out. Adam was half-sitting, propped up on his elbows so that he could watch, and he was biting down on his lip as he stared.

Kris got another finger in, pushing back on Adam's legs so that it was easier. Adam's legs were so fucking _long_, like a supermodel's or something.

Kris was about to try a third finger when Adam grabbed his wrist.

"Do it now," Adam said. Kris wanted to argue, wanted to open Adam up until this was easy for him, but he remembered how painful that year-long wait had been until he'd gotten to see Adam's face again. He'd have wanted to feel Adam inside him for as long as possible, too.

His fingers slipped a couple of times before he managed to rip the condom wrapper open, and his hand was shaking a little as he rolled the condom down over his cock. Adam nodded, cupped the curve of Kris's hip and pulled him closer. Kris couldn't get inside at first, his cock skidding down past Adam's hole, but then he pushed inside past the ring of muscle, just the head.

Oh, _fuck_, he'd been right about how tight it was. Almost painful, in the best way. Kris braced a hand on the bed and started to slowly inch his way inside. When he was about half-way there, Adam wrapped his legs around Kris, arching his hips up.

All the way in, and Kris had to stop to breath and to check up on Adam.

Adam's face was... almost violently pleased, the curve of his lips something close to smug.

"Are you- let me know when I can... can move," Kris said, struggling to keep his hips still.

"Fuck me," Adam breathed, his legs tightening around Kris. "_Now_."

Kris shuddered all over, then let his hips rolled forward against Adam's. He was bracing himself with both hands, and each time he thrust in, the slide felt easier. Adam pushed himself further up, managing to brush a kiss against Kris's mouth. Kris moaned and kissed back, letting himself fall forward over Adam's body, and Adam wrapped a hand around the back of Kris's neck, pulling him deeper into a messy kiss. Kris could feel Adam's cock against his stomach as he moved, but he didn't think he had enough coordination to reach down to jerk him off.

Adam's hand skidded down Kris's back and was pushing at Kris's pelvis, changing the angle. When he broke the kiss to let out a sharp cry, Kris knew that he'd hit the right place, so he did his best to make sure that kept happening, though it was hard to concentrate on anything but the feeling of Adam's body tight and hot around him.

Kris came first, with a ragged thrust and a bitten-off yell. Then he pulled out - slowly - and put his mouth around Adam's cock, leaking and swollen, and sucked until Adam whimpered and jerked and filled up his mouth. He slid back up Adam's body and kissed him, still tasting of Adam.

"Do you believe that I'm really here now?" Kris asked. Adam grinned and reached down to strip the condom off Kris's dick, tying it off and tossing it onto the nightstand.

"I don't know," he said. "You might have to do that again in the morning. Just to make sure."

"That would not be a hardship," Kris said, tucking himself up against Adam's side. He should probably go to the bathroom to clean off or something, but all he wanted to do was stay near Adam. "Just say the word."

"So, about that wish," Adam said. "Am I going to hear the details?"

"It's a long story," Kris said.

"We've got all night," Adam said. Then he reached down and touched Kris's mouth. "We've got the rest of our lives."

Kris smiled up at Adam, and he started at the beginning.


End file.
